Jersey Tales!

Post your jokes, humor articles, Satire, funny short stories, comedy plays, satirical poems, comedy video & audio clips & other humor pieces here.

Moderator: Club Operations

Jersey Tales!

Postby Ahreeman X » Sat Feb 19, 2005 1:03 pm

Jersey Tales!
December 12, 2003

Talking about Jersey!

An Oldies but Goodies!
Old IPC Files

Let me tell ya about Jersey! I was just reminiscing with an old Jersey Booze-om Buddy-ette about the good old times! So I figured to share a bit of it with you!

Jersey Accent!

How yo doin?!

Do you know what they call women's purse in Jersey?
Pocketbook!
Do you know what they call Swap Meet in Jersey?
Flee Mart (Flee Market)!
Do you know what is the plural of "You" in Jersey?
Yous!
Do you know how they pronounce Jersey?
Jeysi!
Do you know what they call a Junk Car?
Jalopy!
Do you know if the letter "R" lands in the middle or end of the words, it gets dropped in Jersey & turns to a "Y"?!
Like "word" becomes "Woyd"!!!!
and "racketeer" becomes "racketeeye"!!!

I am telling ya, Jersey is something else!

Some Geography for Geography Enthusiasts!

At the north, upstate, New York Mob dumps all their dead bodies in Jersey Grounds! Cities like Newark or Montvale are practically built over lands full of dead New York Mafia victim's bodies! Its like one big cemetery yet invisible! If somehow we could detach Newark from the ground & lift it up for a minute, we could see oodles & oodles of Skeletons in the closet! We could even find Jimmy Hoffa's corp! Just go to New York-New Jersey border & often due to soil pressure or rain, hands or feet rise above the ground & say high to you, while driving through state borderline!

At South & South West, downstate near Phily, the Philadelphia Mob does the same thing! Go near Runnemede or Camden (The black Ghetto) & suddenly if you are driving out of town, a funny smell hits your nose & you wonder what it is?! Its the smell of month old dead corps! Thats what it is! Between the Italian Mafia of South & East Phily, and the Black Street Gangs of Camden, this particular area is floating over dead bodies!

What it is, what it is?
Thats what it is!

Now if you go way upstate or north east side of the state, you will see acres & acres of Dumping Grounds! New York Factories & Corporations hire Puertorican Truckers to practically dump all their toxic waste in this part of Jersey! Go near the north shores & you will see a new color to the ocean! Its something between Gray & Charcoal! Sometimes bubbles come out of the water! Its one large experimental chemical ground! The whole state of New York dumps their trash (legally) & their toxic waste (illegally) into Jersey grounds! And you know what New Jersey people call their state?

The Garden State!

Thats right, the garden state! Jersey is one large dumping biological, chemical, nuclear waste grounds, in addition full of dead bodies from Italian Mafia of Phily & Gumbas upstate from New York, the state practically floats over toxic waste & dead bodies & then they call it The Garden State!

Frag me up the Shiiter Freddie! I have not died & heard the true meaning of The Garden State!

State of New Jersey, The Garden State!

Then in the middle you got Trenton the state capital & every petty crook, Mafia snitch, pusher or junkie, specially bookie or Mob CPA who rat-ed on their bosses, Mafia or Gang, has been relocated to suburbs of Trenton under a new identity & living under cover happily ever after! Just drive by suburbs of Trenton & while passing the houses, all the Mob Bookies say high to yous!

Take a drive to South East beautiful Jersey Shores & amongst the beautiful waters & shore lands of Jersey, you will see the largest Racketeering, Gambling, Corrupting, Mob infected Casino town of Atlantic City! Every cock-eyed Gumba Dago with a 45 or 38 special & a switch blade lives there!

Go more south to Cape May & you will often see body parts like legs, feet or hands float out of the beautiful waters of Jersey! Sometimes the water bubbles! I am telling ya, things are growing down there!

Garden State indeed!

But hey, lets be fair, there are areas of Jersey Shores like Wildwood which are gorgeous sea shores of Atlantics & there are cities on Phily & Pennsylvania border like Cherry Hill, Berlin, Pennsauken which have some of the largest, hottest Rock Clubs this side of the Rockys!

And of course you got the academic center of Princeton in the middle, fine comfy cozy central Jersey Suburbs, & Long Branch port up north east! Some of the finest scenery in East Coast & some of the finest resorts in East Coast are also @ south East Jersey Shores! We have to give credit to Jersey for having some of the wildest night clubs & casinos in United States. Hey, why do you think Donald Trump is often over there?!

Hey, I might often put Jersey down & bash on it but deep in the heart, some of the best times of my life was spent in Jersey. I loves Jersey folk, all of them, Dago Gumbas, Italian Mob, Negro Brothers from Camden, Damn Puertorican Budds from Glendora, Rockers of Cherry Hill, Suburban Dwellers of Trenton, Wild Gals of Atlantic City & Con artists of Newark! I loves them all!

Every professional hitman, con artist, mobster, teamster, racketeering dope, pusher and two bit snitch & rat, ex agents and mercenaries or soldiers of fortune and even bounty hunters either vacation in Jersey or reside in Jersey! This makes me think, was Catster ever lived in Jersey?! Hmmmmmmmmmm!

I mean, how can you go wrong living in jersey? Our local Immortal Commander does! He be navigating the productions from there! A Dutch, English, Rhodesian, White South African, Afro American Jeysi Boy, what a combo!

I guess I miss Jersey, maybe sometimes, I'll find a chance to drop by there & visit ol pals, gals, Gumbas, Broes, old Motorcycle Gang Brothers and Good Old Boys! Maybe we will once more cruise the South Jersey Night Clubs & Little Towns & cause a great commotion and fear by raising Hell in the old neighborhood!

So how do yous like the new Club's Front Image? Ain't it so Persian Sci Fi?!

For now, yous keep cozy.

More power to Jeysi!

Sign,

An Ex Good Old Boy
Watcher in the woods
User avatar
Ahreeman X
General 5 Star
General 5 Star
 
Posts: 1362
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 1:54 pm
Location: San Diego, CA, USA

Return to Jokes, Comedy, Satire & Satirical Poetry Room

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron