Haji Kuchike, Agent of Masters!

Post your jokes, humor articles, Satire, funny short stories, comedy plays, satirical poems, comedy video & audio clips & other humor pieces here.

Moderator: Club Operations

Haji Kuchike, Agent of Masters!

Postby Ahreeman X » Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:19 am

Haji Kuchike, Agent of Masters!
A Grand Conspiracy!
March 22, 2006


Opening Music
:grandp: :drum: :announcement:

Theme from James Bond, with a Persian beat:
Bam baba bambam, bambam,
Bam baba bambam, bambam,
Doodoo, doodoo doo .......

Ba bam ba bam, bam ..........

And here's another action pact episode of:
Haji Kuchike, Agent of Masters!
:discobanana: :007:


Introduction

Folks:

Over & over, I have been hearing about this "Masters"! First Admzad introduced us to the "Masters"! Then Baby Joe, enlightened us, new revelations about the "Masters"! Now we have found out that Masters' Head Quarter is in London! Ingilisa, Insilisa............ It is all a British Conspiracy!
:confused2: :UK: :question:

British Intelligence has taken over the Global Intelligence, including but not limited to CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, ATF, FBI, Mossad, KGB, & even OPEC! I am telling you, it is a Grand Conspiracy! First, Peter Khan Zendran called me a "Collaborator"! Next, Baby Joe called me an Agent! Many have been telling me that I am the Servant of this "Masters"! They tell me about my bosses (Masters)! I am pretty much convinced that I am on the payroll of the "Masters"!

Maybe there is something to Peter's :turkmen: & Baby Joe's :newbee: theories! :question:

Hey wait a second, if my bosses are the Masters & I am an Agent of the Masters, then this Masters must be a Company! So that means, all along, I have been working for a Company! Hmmmmmmmmm........, let me write a letter!


Letter to the Masters!
:brit: :devgrin:

Dear Masters :brit: :

Recently, I have been informed that I have been working for the Masters, in fact I am an Agent of the Masters! This means I have been serving you as a Collaborator; therefore, I must be on the payroll! If so, then where the hell is the money? Where's The Beef?! How come I have not been receiving any Paychecks? What kind of Company are you running?!

What the hell kind of business are you running here? After all these years of Collaboration, how come I never seen a Dime?! You cheap sons of bitches! Is this a Jewish Company? Maybe a Scottish Company? Or worst, a Jewish Scotch Company?! Where's The Beef?!

According to Baby Joe & Peter Khan, I have been an Agent & a collaborator for years, then that means I am an official Employee of Masters, so what has happened to all my paychecks? I demand retribution! In the past, as an Government Employee in the State University, I have been back paid, but never been behind pay this long! This is years of No Pay labor! This is Slavery! Haven't you heard, Lincoln freed the slaves?!

I demand getting paid! Hey wait a second, if I am on the payroll, then this can only mean that IPC is also on the payroll, so we are All on the payroll! We have been on the payroll for 6 years! Where is our money God Damit?! And all this time we have been hurting for money!

I am putting my foot down! I demand you to send all our back pays to IPC Treasury Department! Uh, Oh! Ah, wait, we don't have a Treasury Department! We don't even have a Treasury Chest, not even a Piggy Bank! Dang On it! What to do?! Ok, I got it! I assign Liberator as the new Treasurer! Send all our back pays to Liberator. Wait a second, Liberator is on the other line!

:devcool: Hello Liberator!

:vik: Liberator: No account Doc ........

:devprised: What? You don't have a bank account? You have just moved to London & didn't get a chance to open one?! No account? Damn!

:vik: Liberator: No dough, no account! No money, No Honey!

:devnoid: OK OK I get the picture!

:devcool: Dear Masters, I am back!

OK OK, this is what we gonna do, Dear Masters, Liberator will pick up all our back pays in person from "Office of the Prime Minister, 10 Downing Street"! Then every month, you will put our pay in a paper bag & drop our pay, in the rubbish can next to the main door @ 10 Downing Street! Liberator will drop by there & pick up our pay every month! So no one will suspect any relation between the Masters & IPC! Ye, that's it, that's how we gonna do it! So you better make the drops because we are broke! Actually we have been broke for years! You see, God Damn cheap Iranian Billionaires hesitate to spend a dime to free Iran, so we have been dragging this Broke Ass Organization for years! Now Baby Joe informs us that for years we have been employees of the Masters, but the cheap ass Masters have not been paying up for 6 years!

Dear Masters, thanks for your time & consider this letter as my last warning! Either pay up or we will quit! We refuse to be slaves! Pay up you cheap sons of bitches!

Either pay or we will work for SAVAMA & Ahmadinejad! I heard he is pro labor & he pays well! I am warning yous! We might change sides 180 degrees & move our head quarters to Qom!
:hizboansar: :devgrin: :ayatollah:

Sincerely,
:devbrowed:
Your Agent X


Paranoia!
:paranoid: :devnoid: :paranoid:

Now wait a second folks, how come I have been an Agent of the Masters for 6 years, yet I had no clue, nor have I seen a dime?! Could it be there are people around me who are Collaborators & ruining my good name?! Hmmmmmm! So who is the Collaborator?

:tempt: CR is a shady character, all those trips to North Africa! could it be?

:painter: Admzad, all those incognito trips to Down Under (a British Colony) & he was just in London! Could he be?

:scientist: Cam, he moves back & fore to London! Could he be?

:lojak: Lori, Oh yes, lately she has been looking so English! Do you know how I can tell? English, do look crooked Eyed! They always look @ you Left Left (Chapul)! Kind o like Cross-Eyed! Lately, Lori has been looking @ me Left Left! Damn Lori is a collaborator! Could she be?

:vik: How about Liberator? He is definitely a suspect! why would he move from Sweden to London & not even open an bank account? All this time, no bank account? Why is that? He doesn't want to be traced or be connected with the Masters in any way! Maybe he has a piggy bank with a British Falg on it! Could he be?

:engdip: :brit: British Intelligence are Everywhere!

I see British Agents all around me! Everyone has betrayed me! They are all agents! Not that they all collaborated, yet they did not even bother to share the money with me! Damn cheap people! They slushed the dough all by themselves! They just slushed it down the throat!

No wonder CR bought a new Fur Coat, Admzad traveled to Mecca, Cam takes vacations every three months, Lori bought a new SUV & Damn Liberator moves closer & closer to # 10 Downing Street! It is betrayal everywhere!

Lori supposed to buy me a Red Maserati off of the funds from the Book Deal that never went through! Now we know what kind of a deal was that! She has been slushing the Masters' Dough for years & not shares it with me! I have been cheated & punked! That cheap woman!

Now I know why Fouladvand :lemon: & Baby Joe :newbee: see British Agents everywhere!

They are not delusional! The English are everywhere! I have seen the light! Ingilisa, Ingilisa............, hamash zire sare Ingilisas!

No wonder all IPC members have all of a sudden become Cross-Eyed! Now they all looking @ me Left Left! They have become Agents of the Masters! But their Cross-Eyes have given them away! Once you become an Agent of the Masters, you become Cross-Eyed!
:brit: :kohezboii:

But what if the traitor is closer to home?! Hmmmmmmmmm.........! What if the traitor is not them but one much closer than everyone else to me?! This is simply a Grand Conspiracy!


The Grand Conspiracy
:-$ :coverup:

So who is it? Who is the Traitor amongst us? Oh my God! It is him! That son of a bitch! It is Haji Kuchike! He just went to pilgrimage to Mecca but on the way back he stopped @ Heathrow, London! all these years I was looking for the "Leak" in IPC, but the "Leak" is right under my nose! Actually the "Leak" is in my Trousers & my shorts! The enemy Within, The Enemy @ Under, way under in underwear!
:discobanana:

Let me grab him, let me get a good hold of him, Aha, Uh, Ahhhhhhhhh, Yee, ye, here he is, let me get a hold of his neck, that traitor! Let me pull him out! Aha, gotcha! No wonder your neck is getting thick! You been feeding on British Dough! You Thick Necked Muslim bastard! What where you doing stopping @ London, on the way back from Mecca Pilgrimage of Haj?! You are the Agent! After all these years of living together, you have betrayed me! I trusted you & allowed you to even travel overseas by yourself, but now this is how you pay me back! You betrayed me!
:discobanana: :devnoid:

No wonder you have been cross-eyed lately! Let me take a good look @ you! Ye, you do look Cross-Eyed! That's why you have been looking @ me Left Left! Because you have been on the Payroll!
:discobanana: :kohezboii:

:dramaqueen: Ohhhhhhh the shame of it All! Shaaaaaaaaame Shaaaaaame of it all! The agony of defeat!
:violin2: :violin:

You have ruined my good name! You stabbed me in the back! My most trusted friend, the one near & dear to me! You collaborated with the Masters! You sold me to Masters! I knew I shouldn't have had trust a Muslim! The minute I found out that you are a Muslim & Collaborating with Imam Hassan (right testicle) & Imam Hussein (left testicle); furthermore, going to Haj pilgrimage, I had to cut my relation with you!
:egg: :discobanana: :egg:

But how could I cut all my connections with you? You & I have been so close to one another, like brothers! I feel like you are a part of me!!!
:censor: :devprised: [-X


Where's The Beef?
:moo: :question:

One question? Where's The Beef? What have you done with the PayChecks? Where have you been stashing Masters' dough? Aha, I remember a few calls that you made to Caymans! You even once traveled to Cayman Islands! Tricky bastard! You have opened your own Tax Free account in Caymans, another British Colony! Now it all makes sense! They drop the money directly to Cayman account!
:dollar: :dollar: :question:


Ultimatum!
:scream: :discobanana: :DS:

I am giving you the final ultimatum! Shape up or ship out! You must immediately seize all your collaborations (Peter) or Agent work (Baby Joe) with Masters! Either that or become a double agent! Become a double agent for Masters & IPC both! But we can't pay you because we are broke! What the hell, I figure you owe me that much to work for us for free! I am giving you the Final Chance to redeem yourself or else I will cut you out of my friendship! I will cut you off ........... Oops wait a second, I really cannot do that! Eh......... Yup!


Final Warning!
:discobanana: :devgrin:

OK, just redeem yourself or I will let Dr. Hanan Ashrawi (Palestinian Political Consultant) to Jeez you, or worst, I will feed you to Dr. Hanan Ashrawi! I am warning you, I will force you to be intimate with her! What? You think I am joking? You got another thing coming to you! You think I am bluffing? OK, I am going to teach you a lesson! I am going to give you a taste! I am going to show you something to make you limp & impotent for a week straight! I am going to destroy you. I am going to scare the Shiite out of you! I am sorry to do this to you but you asked for it!

:discobanana: Haji: Who are you frightening?! Go ahead, hit me with your best shot?

:devgrin: You asked for it! One look & you will never erect & stand straight again! Here, take it you bastard, I unveil to you The Bride of Dracula, The Worst of your nightmares, the monstrosity, the Bohemian, the one & only, Dr. Hanan Ashrawi:

Image
:discobanana: Haji: Noooooooooooooooo
:devgrin: Take it you bastard! And you are lucky because she had just removed her giant facial mole! You see, it could be worst!

Image
:discobanana: Haji: Have Mercy, please ................
:devgrin: Suffer!

Image
:discobanana: Haji: I do anything you want, stop the torture .........
:devgrin: Hee Hee, yet another shot, Volah,

Image
:discobanana: Haji: I beg you to stop, cover her face! Noooooooooo........
:devgrin: Hee Hee, had enough?! No?

Image
:discobanana: Haji: Heeeeeeeelp?
:devgrin: Never ending screams!

:devgrin: Go for it Haji, she wants you All to herself! A Healthy Arab Woman in her prime!

:discobanana: Haji: No Please, I do anything you want! Help Heeeeeeeelp .........

:devgrin: Suffer Haji, Suffer you traitor! You must make love to her for ETERNITY!
You HA HA HA HAW HOWL ............

Now this was only a taste! Imagine what will happen to you if I tell her to move to San Diego & eat you up! I tell her to move in with you!

:discobanana: Haji: I give up, I do anything you want! Anything! Just stop the torture, stop the unveiling of the Beast! Have Mercy Ahreeman!

:devgrin: Have you had enough?

:discobanana: Haj: Yes, I will obey you forever. Please forgive me Ahreeman. Have Mercy! Don't feed me to The Arab Beast! I beg of you...........

OK OK stop begging! stop kissing my hand! Stop kissing my foot! Stand up, be a man! Stop crying & moaning! I will not let Dr. Hanan Ashrawi to eat you up! But I am warning you, one step out of ordinary & San Diego to Ramala is a phone call away! Hee Hee Hee ................

This time, I forgive you, run along & be playful! You had enough Shock Therapy for today!

Ahreeman is Merciful! :devgrin:

:devbrowed: OK Boils & Ghouls,
This brings us to the end of our today's episode of:
"Haji Kuchike, Agent of Masters!"
Go to bed, sleep tight & don't let the Muslim Bugs Bite!
Muslim Bugs are those Bed Bugs with little Turbans!
Ye, those .............
Good night ............

Ending Music
:grandp: :drum: :announcement:

Theme from James Bond, with a Persian beat:
Bam baba bambam, bambam,
Bam baba bambam, bambam,
Doodoo, doodoo doo .......

Ba bam ba bam, bam ..........

And here's the end to yet another action pact episode of:
Haji Kuchike, Agent of Masters!
:discobanana: :007:

See you next week, same time, same channel ...... :anxhi:

Amen!


Sign,
:firedvl:
The Evil1
Watcher in the woods
User avatar
Ahreeman X
General 5 Star
General 5 Star
 
Posts: 1355
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 1:54 pm
Location: San Diego, CA, USA

Return to Jokes, Comedy, Satire & Satirical Poetry Room

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests