IRAN104 - Education, Parents

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IRAN104 - Education, Parents

Postby Admzad » Thu Dec 23, 2004 7:40 pm

IRAN104 - Education, Parents

Y are Iranian University students so angry?
What are the real reasons/factors behind their anger/frustration?
Could supression of sex & the urge for domination play a role in this?

In the west, most young people constantly try to have fun & enjoy life.
They are always looking forward to weekends & try to plan their next
fun thing to do: sport, camping, drinking, SEX, dancing/party, etc.
They are so full of life & u can see the 'spark' of life in their eyes.
They learn to socialize with the opposite sex & learn to come to
terms with their sexuality early in life. They go to university if
they like it, else they just do whatever they find. They do NOT have
to be Dr/Eng To be somebody & have a normal/comfortable life.

In high school there was a major division btwn the top students, whom
others called ostaad & others. Many of the ostaads looked down at the
other students. One guy was very jealous & would only talk to u if u
were one of the top students. He couldn't stand it when somebody else
solved the math problem. He was a never-miss-prayer Muslim with baazaari
father (I think?). He wore modern clothes & He was not good in sports &
played basketball like a bulldozer.

In one of the after-diplom gathering, I saw a lot of EGO & looking down
at others: I'm in fanni, I'm in Beirut, I'm in aaryamehr. Every discussion
had to have winners & losers: it was a war for supremacy & domination!
U didn't let the other guy finish, u didn't even listen let alone God
forbid agree with him! Or u could see back & watch the others whom u
regarded as idiots fight it out.

Thinking back to my high school days, we were never encouraged to read!
What a LOSS. I don't ever remember seeing kids in small towns
reading. They were always hanging out in the streets. The only time
I saw them reading was during exams, when they walked up & down in small
alleys reading & memorizing & looking at the girls. They just memorized,
never had a chance to really THINK & absorb. They did it just to pass
the exam. I don't think kids in schools were/are taught to THINK and
this is a shame.

In contrast, I see a lot of public libraries in the west which are free
& heavily used. Many kids learn to read from an early age in the west.
Some of the parents even read books for them in bed at night. I wonder
what % of Iranian parents do this?!

Come to think of it, I never saw many adult shopkeepers reading books
in Iran, many just sat in the shop waiting for customers, or talked
rubbish, & I do mean rubbish & filth, with the other shopkeepers.

I remember seeing the feeling of defeat/failure in most students in
year-12. They were sad because they knew they couldn't make it to
what they saw as the 'TOP' fields in the top universities. I could
also see the arrogance of the top students looking down at others
& bragging about what they were gona choose in Konkur. The average
students had to take what was left & other students had to face
the nightmare of military service & the fact that they would never
be Aaqaaye Doktor/Mohandess & had to be nobodies.

Even the top ones didn't have a clue what was it really like to
be/study this or that field, but still used their perception in their
power-game : mine is bigger than yours, I'm going to Fanni, Well 'I'
am going to Aaryaamehr, etc. Top students were often called Ostaad.

But this was a good private school in Tehran, things must have been
far worst in small towns.

Many who felt so triumphant for making it to the university learnt
that getting there was just a beginning! Many didn't even like their
major/field after 2 years.

Many who were stuck with the unwanted fields couldn't get motivated.
Some, strangely enough, got to like it, but didn't see any future in
it(eg. biology). Many who could've done well, couldn't even get in.

In Fine-Arts college in Tehran University, they had a term for uptight
serious male students, who usually were 'enqelaabi' & didn't joke
with the girls & belonged to mountain climbing club. The term was
'Ann Aaqaa'. The AA were always in conflict with outgoing students,
who could socialize with the girls. Fine Art college café (kaafe
teryyaayeh Honarhaa) was very popular and many students from other
colleges took their female friends/dates there. It had a very 'happy'
atmosphere & u could see many girls & boys sitting & talking together
in a much friendlier way than other colleges.

Every winter, there were serious fights btwn Honarhaa & other
colleges, in the name of barf-baazi (snow-fight) and sometimes it got
out of hand. Was jealousy a major factor behind this(I mean excluding
the big-D factor: Domination)?

I think being with, and knowing how to deal with, the opposite sex
was/IS a major issue among students. All being young & full of hormones
(u could say run-by-hormones), but they had too many taboos & restrictions
to kill the 'spark' in their eyes. Could this be a major factor in them
being so angry & frustrated & becoming 'Enqelaabi'.

Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing 'relationship' among Iranians.
Once I was advised: yek dokhtareh javoon begir va khodet tarbiyatesh kon.
I thought gee I don't want a child, I'd like a soul-mate!

Come to think of it true relationships are even hard to find in the west,
specially among the working class. In Australia red-necks are called
aakerz & they call women shiela's & see them good for 'rooting' only.

How could they form relationship in Iran when they never socialize!
I personally think lack-of-SEX is one of the major factors for ANGER
in Iran, at least in the 17-45 single men.
I don't mean just the physical-SEX, but romance & all the benefits it
can have : physical/spiritual/mental/...
It gives a new dimension to life.

We often hear jokes like "U seem very happy, did u get laid last night?"
It must be true folks, a good & romantic relationship does miracles.

I remember a few students, who were shy coming from small towns, who
used to wear conservative cloths. But after 2 years in Honarhaa college,
they started wearing after-shave & learnt to be cool(long hair) & joked
with the girls & were less serious/enqelaabi.

And of course the big gap btwn the rich & the middle class & the really
Poor (amaleh/abehozy/…) is a major factor too. Could it be that they think
they know it all & read a few books & look at the social structure & become
Enqelaabi? A guy in Honarha was from a very poor family & he was angry at
Many things, but he was not Enqelaabi. He joked a lot too.

In my university days in mid 70's in Tehran. One day I saw posters
on the wall saying "dear brothers/sisters, don't go to classes
because Shah is torturing students ...". Later I found out that one student
was beaten up with metal-pipes & was hospitalized for going to a class on
that day. So I thought to myself: Hmmm, these guys (daaneshjooyaaneh shojaa va
shariffeh Iran) will beat up people(their own 'brothers/sisters') to death
now, when they are NOT in-power. What would they do when they took over?
I heard the student who got beaten up was just a student & not related to
any party/Hezb/...

I said this to many I knew who went to alloha-akbar-Baazi & Tazaahoraat, but
they were too full of Hayyajaan to think.

One evening, I was at a difficult lecture. The Ostaad was tired having taught
many classes all day. One student(Enqelaaby) started laughing at a joke
from the guy in front of him & he was disturbing the class.
The Ostaad stopped & said something polite(don't remember what) to the student.
The student got up & told OFF the Ostaad in a very rude & threatening manner:
TO be maa chikaar daari, to darsetto bedeh!
I was melted down into shame, he didn't even use Shomaa & said 'to' in a insulting

Knowledge should bring enlightenment & compassion & NOT HATE & ANGER & murder,
or am I being naive & romantic?

Why Iranian kids are so hyperactive & jooshi/hayajaani?

Could these be some of the factors:
-they are adored when babies, they are hugged & played with hyperactively.
-when the next baby comes along, they are ignored & are expected
to behave & be grown-up.
-they don't learn to think & talk & express themselves, when they are thrown
up & down & spoken to in baby-talk.
-they are treated like cattle in schools without getting any individual
attention. Just repeat & shout what u r told & memorize:
baabaa naan daad, ...
-they don't get enogh quality 'attention' at home.

I've seen western friends just following their kids all day & let
them explore & learn. Once I saw the mother took a 2 yo girl out of the car
to go shopping. Every time the girl saw a puddle of water, she wanted to walk
into it. The mother patiently let her do it & waited till she was finished,
rather than pulling her hand & shouting "aay zallil beshi bacheh, beyaa, tu
aab narro, khafam kardi".

Can frustrated uneducated unhappy mothers/fathers who struggle for their
daily expenses, broken down under so much social burdens/pressures/khoraafaat
be good parents? Nothing to be happy about, nothing to look forward to, no
'holiday' plan in the tropics, no candle light dinners, just Ashura & taasuaa

u grow up in a crowded family, without a room of your own, sleeping with
brothers/sisters in one room. Baazigushi & fight & surviving the exams in
school (if u r lucky to go to one), trying to control suppressed urges,
learning the rules of the CHAOS (read IRAN102), never learning to THINK
& running on hormones & qeyrat/shur/hayajaan.

If u r lucky & pass the konkur nightmare, u go to UNI & end up working
hard & being angry & frustrated. But if u don't pass konkur, u r dead:
the nightmare of Sarbaazi & all the waste comming from it. When u come
out, u have nothing & are nobody & know u will never be somebody (Dr/mohandess)!

If u make it this far, before u know it u r married & have to put up with
maadar/pedar shohar, some of whom could be cruel dictators(are we gona blame
Shah for this too?!) & next thing u know u have 5 kids, all crying at the
same time. u go out carrying the crying kids/maarmolaks & all the bags while
holding your BLACK chaador in hot weather on a noisy bus shouting
"aay zallil shodeh khafam kardi"!

Be gentle folks, even to your enemies!
And enjoy LIFE while u can!


Dear Range Bar,

U r more than welcome to disagree with me, coz when it comes to Iranian
Culture I'd love to be dead WRONG. I'm not heading any party or hezb &
have no intention of Dictating anything or anybody.

If I thought west was perfect, I'd be a westerner & live happily ever after
in it. There are too much tragedy in the west too: rape, rang rape, child abuse,
domestic violence, greed, SEX-is-everything, u-must-have-SEX, drugs, etc.

"many Iranians inside and outside of Iran have always had a happy, and active
life style"

Are u including all those kolfat/nokar/amaleh/abehozi in this too?
How about all those young arus who were treated like dirt/slave by their
Pedar/maadar shuhar & havu?

Sure, many people in IRI have laughed all the way to the bank & have been very

"Many of Iranian teenagers and adults including the college students did
have a happy life and many were sexually active before their marriages,"

Sure, many did it in "unnatural ways", if u catch my drift. A female friend
once cried for me coz her X-boyfriend, who slept with her for years, had dumped
her saying he would never marry a non-virgin. They were both educated too.

Once somebody told me about how he & his friends gang-raped a young girl who
was in love with him. I assure u I'm not making up stories. One woman recently
wrote a letter to saying she was raped at 2 (IIRC)! God knows how
many kolfats were raped by pesar-arbaab. I have personally heard from people
who said they used to chase after dokhtar dehaati & have sex with them, the
unnatural way coz they had a heart, in their sarbaazi (sepaahi days).

Iran is NOT just the minority 'intellectuals' in Tehran or now in the 'west'.

"Also, college still is a big deal for many parents in west…"

Sure, but it is true mostly for Immigrant families.
After many years in school/UNI, I had problem finding a job. My neighbor who
had left school & was a gardener, used to laugh at me coz he had 3 houses when
he was 30!

I take no pleasure in this 'talk' & It has taken me over 20 years to bring myself
to admit & accept some of these things. Even now, I'm only raising questions and
am not an authority on the subject.


I got a reply from a friend who said:

As we were looking at the pictures, we came across her
grandson, who is about the same age as me, and I said,
whatever happened to him? Then she went into this long
talk, and kept repeating "Een Bahooshtareen Estudent'eh"
and kept ranting on about how he was the top student and
so on... Then she asked me, what have I achieved, and I
told her, that so far, I havent achieved anything
academic, because I havent been to school for 6 months!
Then, I saw a look of glee in her face, that looked like
she was proud that her grandson had achieved something,
before me!

This is an excellent reply.
I had completely frogotten about this bit!

In my younger days I used to be very touchy about
this & used to think "giram pesareh to bud faasel,
az fasleh pesar toraa che haasel"

Coz it was common to say that u should not brag about
who your father was & try to be somebody yourself.
"giram pedareh to bud faasel, ..."

Yes I remeber seeing many parents take pleasure in seeing
even the children of their own brothers/sisters failing konkur,
or getting into what they thought was 'lower' than their own
children's fields in UNI.

Yes the urge for dominance/superiority is very strong among
brothers & sisters too.

It was even worst among non family members in a society that
runs on harfeh mardom, where u live in fear of Harfeh mardom.
This is even worst in small towns! u'r not supposed to wear
this clothes or that coz "aaberoyeh aaqayeh x mireh"!

It saddens me when I think how easier it is to go
to UNI in the west & how some not so-good high school
students could change & do very well in UNI. But these
wouldn't have a chance in Iran coz if u fail konur, u r
history. Although u could try again, but many don't.

I wonder what this does to young people. U have the urge
to be superior to others & brag & exaggerate & be dominant.
But u fail konur & had to go sarbaazi & when u come out
U've frogotten all about riazi/shimi. If u were good, u'd
have not failed in the first place.

I remember many parents using other kids as models to their Kids:
"az x yaad begir, bebin che aaqaast, bebin che dars khoneh".
But this created a lot of resentments & oqdeh too.

I know some men who still carry scars from this.

If u were rich, u could go khaarej, else u could even go to
India. But if u didn't want to go to school & were not rich,
then god help u! So much cheshmeh ham baazi & pretence!

In the west u could even live a comfortable life being a
Gardener/plumber/mechanic, but in Iran u wouldn't get much
respect if u told people u were a gardener would u?

And what if u were not rich & couldn't even finish high school?
Doomed forever!

Boro kaar mikon, keh kaar maleh khar ast!?

In this fight for survival & superiority & harfeh-mardom, some would
Make it to UNI, some of these would even be good at their fields &
reach the TOP, but some of them may find it hard to find a job with
good pay. Others would just get a degree/madrak. They all have to look
good, for themselves & for their parents who use their kids to show off.
Some would get into business & do well, others have to succeed through
dishonesty & cheating. Thing gets even worst when they have a few kids:
more pressure & more mouths to feed, faaty tombun mikhaad

I remember many who returned from khaarej without a proper
education but were called mohandes! Partents calling their
own sons Mohandes! Many real mohandes used to sneer at others
saying he is not a real mohandes!

Could this be a factor for so much doruq/lies/pretence: the expectations
& the values are NOT realistic, the rules don't make sense & r not logical,
so people are forced to lie & pretend?

People like to win & not loose, this is more so in a hierarchical &
domineering culture. Take the game in IRAN102, kids can't see the big
picture so they see there is chaos & everybody is cheating, so they too
have to do coz that's the only way they can win & look good.

U r not supposed to talk to opposite sex, but the young people
have to do it, so they have to lie about it. U can't even earn enough
to pay the rent, unless u r mohandes/doktor, so people have to lie
about it in order to survive the Chaos/mess, no?

My concern is that things are far worst now. Everything is secret now
in this environment of fear & hatred! Look at this BB & see how so many
intellectuals, many living outside Iran, don't use their real names &
how much mistrust there is. It must be worst among ordinary people in
Iran, no?

I heard many Iranian families are taking each other to court accusing
each other's fathers of stealing: my uncle owed my father, or he stole
from my father. All this happening after the fathers die & not before!

In LA I saw Qarib afshaar giving advice to people on TV in late 80's:
dear brothers it's OK to make money from each other, but try to make
less & more frequently & with honesty. He said he had heard many reports
of kolaah Bardaari & fraud.

Once I tried to help a friend in an Iranian concert. Nobody wanted to
sell tickets, so I was volunteered. In the middle of selling, I was asked
by another guy, who was a 'partner' from another city, to let another guy
take over. I didn't want to do it, but he said he was the boss. I couldn't
find my friend to give him the money, so had to hand it over to the stranger
from out of town.

Couple of weeks later I heard from another friend that the 'boss' had
found $500 missing that night & I was the 'suspect'! I tried to explain
to my friend that I didn't need the money & that I would not even do this
for $5000. I knew then y nobody else wanted to sell tickets! I've heard
many stories about money going missing, or artists not getting paid.

And the pressure to win & be superior doesn't help either. I heard this
guy buying an expensive car from a friend of a friend & finding something
wrong about it & complaining that: how could u not say anything, I trusted
u?! He was told "mageh chesh nadaashti, mikhaasty bebini!" The seller is a
practicing Muslim too. With all the pressure & bad economy, there is no
room for compassion & honesty. It's a dog eat dog rat-race.
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