God's Bounty to Iran & Iranians

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God's Bounty to Iran & Iranians

Postby maxjasper » Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:31 am

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Adopters Wanted

Postby Amir » Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:32 pm

Max-ollah:

You know, Ahreeman essentially put a bounty on your head a couple of weeks ago. You remember, when he moved your Bahai non-sense from one room to the next? He invited me to knock some sense into you: aka he put a bounty on your head.

I may be a bounty hunter by trade, but I don’t take just any case. It has to have some personal gratification for me. But since you have no personality, I had nothing to motivate me. Nothing to get me jazzed up. Nothing to excite me. Nothing to set right. Nothing. So, I passed on the offer.

But enough with the Bahai crap already!

Toro be reeshe Baha-ollah, baba vele-moon kon.

Servis kardee hamaro. Bekesh beeroon.

The fact that you keep posting links to Bahai crap without mercy is starting to become annoying enough that screwing with you might give me some personal gratification.

But then, I have a problem. The fact that you have no personality means you have said nothing in here, which means that I have nothing to use against you. You are like an annoying statue that someone just placed in the middle of the room. It says nothing. It does nothing. It just sits there, annoying the people trying to walk through the room by getting in the way. Plus, it’s not a pretty statue, so no benefit is gained by its existence. Also, the statue is not conscious, so nothing is gained by insulting it, yelling at it, or mocking it. It is an object.

Since I can’t directly engage you, Max-ollah, I’ll share with you an anecdote about your sculptor, the Bahai faith.

I live in Las Vegas, and every time I drive there from LA I can’t help but notice a sign on the side of I-15 as I head into Vegas: “Adopt a Highway: This Road Adopted by the Bahai Faith.” I laugh my ass off.

Tell me, Max-ollah, are Bahais now adopting roads? What happened to people? Why don’t the Bahais adopt kids? Did they try to adopt kids, but the adoption agencies denied them because they were Bahais? Or did they go straight to adopting roads, kind of like the folks that actually bought stones called “pet rocks?” Have the Bahais been swindled?

And another thing. The last road that a religion boasting of its own moral advancement (as if there were any that didn’t) should adopt is I-15 heading right into Sin City. Now that’s classy.

The sign basically says:

“Your weekend of gambling, drunkenness, drug bingeing, hookers and strippers, acting like an ass, puking, waking up somewhere you don’t recognize next to someone you don’t know….is brought to you courtesy of the Bahai faith…enjoy your stay.”

That’s why I laugh my ass off.

Tell me, do the boys in Haifa know which road they adopted? They just heard “I-15,” and figured it sounded good? Cal Trans swindled the Bahais, I tell you. They are definitely laughing their asses off even more than me.

This is how it went down: (Tony and Joe are two dudes that work for Cal Trans)

Tony: Ey, Joe, there’s a schmuck here saying he wants to adopt a highway.

Joe: What? Is he nuts?

Tony: Well, he looks pretty weird, but he does have a bag full of money.

Joe: Okay, okay, we can’t say no to money. Did you ask him why he wants to adopt a highway?

Tony: He said that no one would give them any kids. So, they want to adopt a road, show it their love, and teach it their religion whether it wants to or not. Go figure.

Joe: And what’s his religion?

Tony: He said it’s “the Hawaii faith.” I thought that was a state, wasn’t it?

Joe: You mean “Bahai faith?” I’ve heard of it before. I had this neighbor named Max-ollah once. He kept handing me pamphlets about his religion. Sometimes I found them under my mat, sometimes in my mailbox, sometimes on the windshield of my car, sometimes in the elevator, sometimes in my coat pocket. I was so sick of it. I think he was stalking me.

Tony: So…do we give him a road or not?

Joe: Fine with me. We got thousands of miles to give away. But you know what? That Max-ollah guy ticked me off so much that now I want to get even. Just to mess with him, let’s give him the stretch that leads right into Vegas. I heard that these Bahai guys really hate alcohol and other vices. Oh, and tell him that all sales are final. Ha Ha Ha!
I am Dariush the Great King, King of Kings, King of countries containing all kinds of men, King in this great earth far and wide, son of Hystaspes, an Achaemenian, a Persian, son of a Persian, an Aryan, having Aryan lineage

Naqshe Rostam
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Postby maxjasper » Mon Dec 04, 2006 12:07 am

Aqa Dariush the Great King, King of Kings, King of countries containing all kinds of men, King in this great earth far and wide, son of Hystaspes, an Achaemenian, a Persian, son of a Persian, an Aryan, having Aryan lineage, sleep shutting your mouth while Mullahs are awake in your land of grandeur.
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Postby Liberator » Mon Dec 04, 2006 3:01 pm

maxjasper wrote:Aqa Dariush the Great King, King of Kings, King of countries containing all kinds of men, King in this great earth far and wide, son of Hystaspes, an Achaemenian, a Persian, son of a Persian, an Aryan, having Aryan lineage, sleep shutting your mouth while Mullahs are awake in your land of grandeur.



It has spoken!

Image


Ba Sepaas
"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable" -J.F.K
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Postby maxjasper » Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:58 pm

The more you display arrogance, narrow-mindedness, short-sightedness, and prejudice, the longer Mullahs and tyrants will rule over you.
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It's a Miracle!

Postby Amir » Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:32 pm

And the award for irritating Max-ollah enough that he actually posts 2 words of his own aside from handing out Bahai pamphlets goes to……“Amir!”… (sounds of applause).

Hey everybody…I think the statue moved! It was a very subtle movement, but it moved I tell you. It’s a miracle. If only Baha-ollah was here to see it. He would have been so proud of my miracle. Now that I think of it, maybe I should start a religion of my own.

Let’s see if I qualify:

1. Iranian (cause Iranians just love to pull religions out of their asses, or take an existing religion and make it uniquely Iranian)...check.

2. Capable of pulling crap out of thin air (if and when I want to)…check.

3. Can claim to be the Messiah…check.

4. Can claim to have a covenant with God…check.

5. Performs miracles…check.

Looks like I have the potential to start my own religion. Max-ollah, since you are my first miracle, perhaps you would also like to be my first convert. What do you say? Welcome to the Amiri Faith, my child.


As the first convert to my faith, I demand that you not disrespect one of Iran’s greatest kings (Agha Dariush). Seriously, why does every knuckle-head think that he has taken a shot at me when he takes a shot at Dariush? It is my privilege and honor to use one of his carved statements as my signature. But other than that, how does mocking Dariush mock me? It doesn’t. I like Einstein too. Would you also like to make fun of him?

But you know what, actually every ding-dong that tries to use my signature against me is doing me a favor. I’ll bet you anything that all such dung-brains (including you, Max-ollah) had never even heard of the inscriptions of Dariush at Naqshe Rostam or Behistun. In trying to get to me, you schmucks are actually getting educated in Persian history and legacy…you’re welcome.

Max-ollah, your title in the thread is “God’s bounty to Iran & Iranians.” Maybe you should first learn what it means to be an Iranian. Maybe you should first learn about Iran. Then, after that, perhaps you should concentrate on its potential bounty, or its potential God. Your priorities are backwards. You focus on your God (which may or may not exist, and all evidence points to his non-existence), and a hypothetical bounty. What about Iran, you knuckle-head?

And who here has displayed any arrogance, narrow-mindedness, short-sightedness, and prejudice towards you? Max-ollah, we’re just having some fun with you. Come-on, Ricky Martin (your avatar looks like Ricky Martin), lighten up and sing “She Bangs” for us. Singing isn’t against the Bahai faith, is it?

I don’t think anyone has treated you with prejudice. See, no one is criticizing you because you are Bahai. You want to be Bahai? Knock yourself out, and “shake your bon bon” doing it. I may think it’s bullshit, but I have nothing specifically against the Bahai Faith. I have bigger fish to fry. I would sooner take on the big players (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) before dining on small potatoes like the Bahai Faith. The Bahais are not significant enough from a numerical perspective for me to bother with them.

What folks here have gotten irritated at is not that you are Bahai, but that all you are is Bahai, and nothing else. At least, that’s your appearance in the club. You have not a single thought to portray other than links to Bahai sites. You’re lucky that Lion-Heart the Executioner has not classified you as spam and dragged you down into his Dungeon-o-Death. Because strictly speaking, maxjasper is no different than any other spam username in IPC. Except, you have an Avatar, and now (for the first time that I’ve seen at least) you said two words of your own other than linking. Unfortunately for you, those two words were borderline retarded.

Ricky-ollah, don’t get offended. Come down to Vegas one day, and let’s live La Vida Loca. I’ll show you that beautiful highway that you and your buddies have adopted. We’ll go for a ride on I-15. There are a couple of shrubs on the side of the highway that need a home. They looked so sad and lonely the last time I drove by. Do you think you can adopt them too? They feel envious and neglected. I do special price, since you are friend (in the voice of Borat).

While you are here, I will take the opportunity to talk to you about the Amiri Faith. We have much to talk about...
I am Dariush the Great King, King of Kings, King of countries containing all kinds of men, King in this great earth far and wide, son of Hystaspes, an Achaemenian, a Persian, son of a Persian, an Aryan, having Aryan lineage

Naqshe Rostam
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Postby maxjasper » Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:34 am

Indeed, the punishment for people so savage is materialized in the form of Mullahs and descended upon such people who are worthy to have them as leaders.
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