Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 8
Ahreeman X
May 14, 2009

Ahreeman X: Hello kiddies, how’re you?
Been a while! Are you ready for another Only in Iran episode?
Ok I can tell you’re excited, hold on to your panties and curb your enthusiasm!
Ready? Let’s roll……

Iranian Female Police Sniper (Sister of Zeynab): Where is Ahreeman? He was just here, where did he go? What did you guys say? Why my helmet doesn’t match my chador? Well, they were out of black police helmets, so they handed me an old IRGC Revolutionary Guard’s helmet! What’s that? Why am I wearing a helmet during target practice? Now you guys are asking too many questions! None of your God damn business! Oops sorry, I meant Allah Damit business! Back to the subject …. I was aiming at Ahreeman, where did he go? That bastard is constantly basing on Sisters of Zeynab. I must teach him a lesson. He won’t be laughing so loud when I shoot him in the ass! I just had him in the scope range! Where did that infidel go?

What are they thinking about?
Ahmadinejad: This African’s hat and dress matches the color of my furniture!
Umbaba Kaloo (middle): Ahmadi has such large nose, it turns me on!
Umbaba LooLoo (right): This Iranian copied the design of his office furniture from my costume! I wonder if he done that in solidarity with Africa and the Global Nation of Islam?!

Ahmadinejad: Wow ... Your Excellency, your hat looks like a large rooster crown!
Umbaba LooLoo: That’s not the only large thing! My Schlong is also very large. Would you like to see it? Here let me grab it …

At Iran – Syria News Media Conference
Subject: Palestinian Oppression under the Jews.
Ahmadinejad: About the rumors, I must be honest … It is all a myth … Unlike his height, his shambool is not very large! I have first hand information and I can testify to that!
Bashar al Assad: Oh dear, what can I say? We’re all not so perfect. I believe I have a healthy one but obviously it’s not large enough for Mahmoud!

Iranian Water Sports!
Now that’s what I call “Iranian Ingenuity”! Razlollah had found the perfect spot between the two engines to Shiite and on top of that cleanse his ass Islamically correct and properly with Aftabeh (Islamic Toilet Pitcher)! And all of that in the middle of Caspian Sea during a boating tournament! This is pure critical thinking, Persian Style!

Ahmadinejad: Kuchulu, tell me what do you want to be when you grow up?
Maryam: Holy Shiite, Mr. President your foot odor is knocking me out, it's a heavenly smell! Would you put your shoes back on before we start all over again to do this campaign promo for you?!

Iranian Biker Girls or Desperate Torshideh Girls in Heat?!
L to R:
Fati: What do you mean pose for the photo, but we’re not real biker chicks?
Joojoo: Even our outfits look silly. We must wear full leather biker getups. We look stupid! 
Torshi: Shoosh Shut up you two, it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re sitting on someone else’s bike and pose like biker chicks, we can send this picture to Iranian tabloids. They will publish any garbage and their readers will assume we’re Real Biker Chicks!

On the way to Seminary School …
Tolab at the back: Oh it’s so good to air out our heads in this heat!
Rajab in front: They always give me this job to carry their turbans! I can’t take it anymore; they smell like month old cheese sitting in the summer heat! I wanna quit!

Iranian Fashion for Adolescent Males!
Ahreeman: Bache Kunis, this is not New York! This is Tehran and you are in an Islamic country!
Heavy Metal Boys: But Ahreeman, Punk Rock is back in style and we don’t wanna fall behind the west!
Ahreeman: OK I am going to take yous to Qazvin province prison for a day. Qazvini Prisoners will make real men out of yous! Afterwards, you will dress up normal and very modest.
Heavy Metal Boys: But Ahreeman, the Dress Police already had taken us to Qazvin Province Prison for a week! Why do you think our hairs are sticking up straight and scared stiff in the air?
Ahreeman: How’s that?
Heavy Metal Boys: Them Qazvini Qoltashan Hairy Bears made us Fresh Meats and took turns on our Virgin BonBons! After one week of repeated group bang, 3 times a day, they shoved upon our corn-holes so hard that our hairs jumped up like chipmunks and stayed like that! We done our best to comb it out but it won’t fall back down!

At a Persian Barbershop, North Tehran
Barber: So how do you like it this time?
Booboo: Make me look like a crossover between Michael Jackson and Marylin Manson!
Barber: Oh you mean you want the Gay Bizarre look?
Booboo: No you don’t get it; I want a crossover hairstyle between Disco Pop and Glam Metal.
Barber: OK I got it; you do want the Gay Bizarre look!

France – Iran Women’s Soccer Game
Bridgette (left): This black Persian bitch is so skilled and fast. She dribbled 3 of us and still keeps on going. She looks like something out of the 300 Movie!
Kobra Khuzestani (center): It sure is hard playing soccer with full hejab! I look like Boba Fett out of a Star Wars Movie!

At the USA – Iran Soccer Game
US Forward: Look at that Persian fan, is she giving us the finger?
US Back: No, she is just whistling.
US Forward: Then why is she moving that middle finger back and forth during the whistle?!

Ahreeman: Baba Jan haven’t you found any other place for Namaz prayer but the divider in the middle of the freeway?
Baba: Well it was time to read the prayer, I heard the Azan call for prayer and I happened to be in the middle of the freeway Jay-walking, so I figured why not pray?

At the Women’s Rugby Practice
Soqra (left): This bitch is so fast, I gotta block her!
Ozra (center): The ball is in front of me, why are you holding my arm with your left hand and sticking your right hand’s index finger up my butt?
Kobra (right): I can’t help it, I got distracted, you got a juicy butt!

22nd Tehran International Book Fair
Ahreeman: Haji are you taking these books to display at the fair?
Yadollah: No, I’m taking them to book burning ovens. Imam said the only book we need is Quran!

Over 250 Kos Kholz have registered for IRI 2009 Presidential Race! (Media)
Reporters: Why have you decided to run for president?
Kachal Hamzeh: Why not me?
Reporters: Because you are obviously mental!
Kachal Hamzeh: So is Ahmadinejad, but he is already the president!

Over 250 Kos Kholz have registered for IRI 2009 Presidential Race! (Media)
Agent: Baba jan, let’s get out of here. Would someone call the Mental Hospital? Baba jan, lets go, lets move on, you are disturbing the peace in a government office …
Kachal Hamzeh: I have rights, I’m an Iranian citizen, long live Islamic Republic of Iran …
Agent: Dayus get out of here before we kick you out of here …
Kachal Hamzeh: Ya Mahdi, Ya Hussein, help me, I’m your descendant. They want to kick this Seyed al Shohada out of here…. I’m a martyr of Islam, I have rights, I demand …
Agent: Akbar grab his legs, Asqar grab his hands, Ya Ali, 1, 2, 3, let’s get this nut job out of here…
Kachal Hamzeh: Who are you to kick me out? I am the candidate of choice appointed by Ali himself! Ya Ali, help me, these Koffar are kicking your son out of the government office ….

On this menu all pizzas including Special, Meat and Mushroom, Pepperoni, Zhigo, French and Greek are 2500 for single, 3000 for double and 4000 for family sizes, then why did the owner wrote the same prices over and over again, instead of writing only one price? Hey wait a second, the Special single is 2200, that’s why! But then again why didn’t he just make everything the same price? For God’s sake that would save ink and paper?!

At the IRI Female Police parade
Commander Seyedeh Zeynab:
1, 2, 3, 4
Zeynab Sisters on the march
5, 6, 7, 8
Their panties have lots o rust
No one caught their chadors’ dust
Bang em hard, it is a must!
Ya Hoo,
Eat some Nimroo …
Ya Mahdi,
Drink some Ab Ali …
1, 2, 3, 4 …

At the Anti Riot Police Rally
Photographer: I’m only taking some friendly photos, don’t pull a Roxana Saberi or Zahra Kazemi on me and bash my skull!
Commander Habib: Not to worry little sister, just make sure you don’t cross this yellow solid line or else you will mysteriously disappear from the public scene and end up in Hotel Evin with a concussion from Allah! The Mighty Allah is so generous!

At the Anti Israel Demonstration
Ahreeman: Excuse me sister, why do you protest?
Kariheh: Hey, it’s not my fault that I’m so ugly that I can’t hitch a date or a husband to go around with, so I have nothing better to do but to tag along in Anti Israel Demonstrations! For Allah’s sake, can’t you see that I have no life?!

Before the Camel Race in Baluchistan Desert, South East Iran
Kaka Ali (center): This camel is always calm as a rock, what did you do to him?
Kaju Ali (right): Allah willing, I’ve done nothing! All I done was to show him a picture of Imam Khamenei and he rammed like crazy!
Kaka Ali (center): That’s all it takes! Don’t you know he has allergy to Imam? When in Baluchistan, that old pervert always hangs around the stable! They say he is Gay, but he is really in to Bestiality!

Before the Camel Race in Baluchistan Desert, South East Iran
Kaka Ali (center): What did you do to him again? Did you show him a picture of Imam again?
Kaju Ali (left): No, this time it was me! He is such a juicy camel. I just couldn’t resist. I had to finger him!

Fashion Conflict: Sisters of Zeynab (Female Dress Police) versus Westoxicated Girl
Zeynab (the crow in the center of the 3): Bitch, this is not Hollywood, this is an Islamic country, why do you dress like this?
Zizi (right): What? You don’t dig the color?
Zeynab: We gonna take you to the headquarters. After spending the night over, then you will understand what color we like you to wear!
Zizi: Can we just go to the corner and you show me what color you like me to wear?
Zeynab: No, it requires all my tools which I have left at the headquarter. I will take you there and with the help of my tools and devices, over night I will make a new woman out of you! Give me one night and you will never disobey the Islamic colors again

At Ashura Mourning Rally
Ahreeman: Excuse me, your Kid Rock Getup and Ashura Chain Banging on your back do not exactly match!

Is this Ahmadinejad’s twin brother with a bigger nose from Dahat?

At IRGC Rally
Pasdar: Sir, why do we have to march near the water?
Revolutionary Guard Commander: So our numbers look doubled!

Akbari: Why is this Kabob so thick and long?
Asqari: Because Imam’s throat is also wide and deep! This kabob was special made for Imam Khamenei!

Ahmadinejad: OK, you got me! These are not just 3D Glasses. I’m really a Space Alien. You are on to me. There is no other creature on Earth as ugly as me!

… and they say there are no Human Rights in Iran! The nerves of them! We have all kinds of Human Rights in Iran. You don’t believe me? Well here is the proof! The police is kindly respecting this Westoxicated Rocker’s Human Rights. If this is not Human Rights, then I don’t know what is?!

Modern and Traditional Iranian Women!
Modern Woman (front): I wish I could take this scarf and long coat off and dress provocative like Cher!
Traditional Woman (back): I wish I could take this chador off and dress up in a scarf and long coat like this woman walking in front of me!

It’s all Bull Shiite! IRI, what a joke! These two fags banged each other and created IRI. Now due to no other available jobs, I have to become a Pasdar and protect their bastard child, IRI. 2 ta Khar Kosdeh maro kir kardan!

Imam Khamenei: Who said I don’t? I also enjoy an extra large Halaal penis! Ki gofteh man Dool dust nadaram? Man ham Dool-e koloft dust daram!

Ahmadinejad: No I’m not imitating Samad Aqa, I just enjoy being fingered with the index finger! Same as Imam, I also enjoy an extra large penis!

A Transsexual Iranian before operation (Pre Operational Transsexual)

The Transsexual Iranian after operation (Post Operational Transsexual)
Do you see any difference?
Yes, he was prettier before operation! Now she is a Chimpanzee in a dress!
Oh yeh, this Transsexual also enjoyed an extra large penis before and after her operation!

Obama’s Final Solution for the Iranian Problem!
Obama and Ahmadienjad: Yes it is all true, we also enjoy to share an extra large penis every now and then!

“To explore their artistic horizons, Kamran and Hooman are changing their names!” (Media)
Kamran and Hooman (Before the name change)
Gayron and Gayman (After the name change)
Gayron and Gayman: Now everyone knows that we also enjoy an extra large penis at all times!

Emad Kolofteh: Excuse me for interrupting your reading pleasures but has anyone seen a couple of Bache Kunis Sissy Faggy Soosool Boy Toys named Gayron and Gayman around here? They are also known as the Canadian Kamran and Hooman! I am Emad Kolofteh from Shoosh Circle (Meydun Shoosh), Tehran and I am looking for them! They call me Emad Kolofteh because I am very Koloft (Thick)! When they were little in Tehran, I used to bang them hard and hand them a bag of cheese puffs (Pofak Namaki) for each bang! I gave them too many bags of Pofak Namaki, almost double the amount of bangs which I got for my buck! The other day I saw them on TV claiming they are Canadians, so I had to fly from Tehran to Hollywood for a reunion to renew our special friendship! I brought a lot of Pofak Namaki in my suitcase, even though they still owe me from Tehran! So I came here to collect my debt! I believe after I’m done with these Bache Kunis, after one round of Anal Torture, they will get their memory back and remember their nationality and the backstreets and dead-end alleys of Tehran! So, I can’t keep the Beast imprisoned in my leather pants, he is drilling a hole to jump out! I’m practically putting him in a chokehold and I can’t keep him under control anymore! If anyone sees these 2 Bache Kunis, just tell them that Emad Kolofteh from Meydun Shoosh is after them! Would someone please tell me if they saw these two Bache Kunis? Anyone please? Anyone?

Haj Qazanfar: Yeees … Yes, oh yeh, I also used to be very Koloft when I was young! I also used to enjoy Bache Kunis and Fresh Meats when I was young! I used to teach a thing or two to Bache Kunis and hand out a bag or two of Pofak Namaki in my days! I was also the neighborhood’s main man in my days. I was Bozorg-e Mahal-e when I was young. Don’t look at me like this, once upon a time I was a Hot Tamale! Yeh, smoke rises up from the old firewood! Yeh, Dud az kondeh boland misheh! Yeh baby, they used to call me Qazanfar Kolofteh or Big Boned Qazanfar! Yeees, that was once upon a time in Old Town …. Old School rules ... Oh Yeh ….

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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