Folks, allow me to conduct a Q & A with monarchists. First I display every single monarchist excuse and false logic statements on why a monarch is needed in Iran, and then I will slap them on the mouth with the voice of reason, science and logic. So far, these are every cockamamie statements in which monarchists had came up with to legitimize and justify the existence of a constitutional monarch and Reza Pahlavi II for the future of Iran, and so far here are my answers to all of their nonsense "Bahr ol Tavil". Let's roll:

Monarchists say:
"Monarchy provides an impartial symbolic Head of State above politics, commercial and factional interests; this is very important having Iran's vast diverse inhabitants from Azari to Baluch and etc, linking us together amazingly and most valuably."

I say:
If you want to link Azeri, Baluch, Kurd, Turkmen, Arab and other minorities together, make them united and avoid separatist movements, then give them their natural rights and what they have been denied for centuries. Give them something substantial, which is their natural rights. Give them "Federalism". Allow them to have absolute autonomy in their own states. And let them be only dependant to Tehran, for foreign policy, military needs and international trades. This is how it has been done fully, in Achaemenid Empire, this is how it has been done partially in Sassanid Empire and this is how it is done in United States of America. Federalism is not a western concept, yet Persian Empire mastered it over 2000 years ago. Federalism was how Darius and Shapour ran their Empires (primitive form of Federalism). Once Islam hit Iran, Centralism replaced Federalism! Centralism is another Islamic present for Iran. Federalism is an Iranian concept.

Putting a puppet Shah with a monkey ceremonial suit in power does not unite various minorities of Iran. They want something substantial, so they shall remain in the future "Persian Union".

For more information on "The Persian Union", read:

A Vision for Iran of tomorrow - Nationalism

Federalism is the only way to guarantee a united "Persian Union" of the future. Puppet Shahs in Ceremonial Monkey Suits, make good storybooks but they don't strengthen a united Iran. Cockamamie promises cannot keep Iranian various tribes united. Their ears are full of it!

Monarchists say:
"A focus for national unity, national awards and honors and national institutions can be made and gained by the monarch."

I say:
What does this have to do with a monarch? This is Federal Governments job?!

Monarchists say:
"The monarch can be the centerpiece of colorful non-political ceremonial and national celebrations."

I say:
That's what Haji Firuz and Amu Nowruz are for! Pir-e Sadeh, The Sun Goddess Mithra and Yalda Night's Watermelons can also play the same role as the centerpiece! I understand that Reza Pahlavi II is also a vegetable and an eggplant; however, watermelons are more colorful to be used as centerpieces!

Monarchists say:
"Monarch is separate from the Head of Government (the Prime Minister), unlike in some countries where the two are combined, often with difficulty."

I say:
Not at all, there will be no difficulty because we will not have a president and a Prime Minister in European manners! We will not have a useless person in a useless position sucking off of the national budget! We will not have a ceremonial cheesy president or a Shah! We will have a president, who runs the nation and a vice president with various responsibilities as his assistant. That's how it is done in United States of America. No decorative positions for decorative characters!

Monarchists say:
"Monarch is able to give impartial non-political support to the work of a wide range of different types of organizations, faiths, charities, artists, craftsmen and etc."

I say:
That's what the Red Lion and Sun, Red Cross, art festivals and non-profit organizations are for! Where is the need for a Monarch?

Monarchists say:
"Monarch is a Head of State completely under the democratic control of Parliament (meaning they the representatives of the people decide if the monarchy continues/changes)."

I say:
First, I truly feel sorry for that pitiful puppet monarch whom the parliament must decide if they will cut off his salary, title and balls or not! Once upon a time we had:

Cyrus The Great
Darius The Great
Xerxes The Great
Mithradates the Great
Shapour The Great
Yaqub Leis The Great
Shah Abbas The Great
Nader Shah The Great
Reza Shah The Great

Each of these men ran an Empire or a powerful Kingdom. Now you jokers are suggesting to put a Ceremonial Monkey Suit on Reza Pahlavi or some other Bozo's body, shove some salary in their mouths and tie a Testicle string band around their testicles and give the other side of the string to the parliament to pull or let loose, anytime they want! So the Shah of Iran will become a Trained and tamed Lap Dog! He will bark or not, anytime the parliament see fit! This is great! A Welfare recipient Shah! I am sure this is so Traditional Persian! No? Reza Shah The Great's bones are shaking in the grave!

Second, in no constitutional monarchy, which had survived the Industrial Revolution and Political Revolutions of Europe in the 20th century, parliaments had ever voted the Monarch out! Once the Monarch is there, then he will be there until he dies and then his son takes over and the damn dynasty will last forever! Due to modern medicine, they live up to their 100s (like Mother Godzilla, Queen Elizabeth II). In Iran's case the daughter will not take over, because of the Shiite, Bull Shiite, which is the official religion of the future proposed Monarchial State and also the religion of Seyed Reza Pahlavi! That's why he is killing himself and doing "Boksovat" to make a baby boy (so far tried 3 times)! Little does he know that Pahlavis will never return to Iran!

So in this proposed puppet Monarchy of the European Style (unlike Real Monarchy, Iranian Style), Reza Pahlavi will have a guaranteed yearly salary until he dies! And then the next Pahlavi will take over and all they have to do is to dress up in Monkey Suits as display dolls to sit pretty in the Shah's palace! That is if they suddenly do not decide to make a coup and take over the government to create a Fascist Regime via the "Rastakhiz Party", like they have done before (Pahlavi Style)! Don't you guys just love the monarchist prescription for Iran?

Monarchists say:
"Monarch is a constant, lasting symbolic head of the country with links back through our whole history and assured lines of continuity into the future. Able to preserve and represent our ancient past and historical figures to today's generation."

I say:
A strong powerful Iran, emerging as a global power with strong economy, military and technology, will guarantee to continue our glorious past history. A strong powerful Iran will make sure that a video game company will not mistakenly pile us up with Arabs, so you guys have to take time to write a petition, begging them to exclude us from Arabs (filing net petitions gave monarchists something to do)! Once a powerful "Persian Union" exists, then no one but no one will mistaken us with an Arab state!

There will be no need for a puppet monarch to guarantee that the world will know our history!

Monarchists say:
"Monarch, a worldwide well-known and respected symbol of our country carrying out State Visits and goodwill tours in other countries; this in itself generates a lot of tourism to ones country."

I say:
This is the job for Secretary of State or the Foreign Minister! Where does the Monarch come in?!

Let me get this right,

So we need to put a ceremonial monkey suit on a puppet monarch and his family and then display them as the King, Queen, Prince and Princess in the Imperial Palace. Display them behind the windows for the tourists to come and visit, or put them in the display cages with windows (like fancy exotic monkeys) and circus them around the world, so the foreigners will throw us some money?!

Aren't Dancing Bears, Acrobatic Elephants, Jumping Lions, Singing Donkeys, and Monkeys who pick their butts with their index fingers and other talented animals in the circus or the zoo or the wild animal parks, play the same role? Actually these animals do a better job at it than Reza Pahlavi and the Pahlavis! Afterall, these are highly trained and talented animals, but Reza Pahlavi is an eggplant, a vegetable with no education! For more information read:

Why Reza Pahlavi Cannot Lead Iranian Opposition?

The Dialogue Reza Pahlavi II Could Not Enter!

Our national historical monuments, our archeological tourist attractions, our amusement parks, our resorts and beaches, our 1001 tourist sites are for this purpose. Now if you insist to put some monkey suits on some people and display them for tourists, then by all means, I will gather 100 nice looking Persian models and dress half of them up as Shahanshahs of various Persian Dynasties and the other half as the Shahbanus of the same dynasties. I build a museum of Persian History with halls, each designed for a certain period of the Iranian history and display all of these models to greet the tourists and take pictures with them. Kind o like Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas! Why do we need a monarch? It's cheaper this way and it produces more profit via tourism!

If I hire Reza Pahlavi and the Pahlavis for this job, then I have to pay a large salary to that eggplant and his cheesy family, but this way, my models will bring in the big bucks and the revenue for me, I pay them less of a salary and they are surely better looking than Pahlavis with their gigantic eggplant noses (Reza Damaq, Farahnaz Damaq, etc.)!

Monarchists say:
"Monarchs can do much, much more that you can probably think of yourself! "

I say:
Of course I can think of 101 ways to make money from tourism, using our 8000 years of history. I can think of 101 ways to teach the world about our 8000 years of history and our glorious past and Persian Monarchy. Once we free Iran and establish a powerful "Persian Union" as a strong Secular, Democratic, Federal Republic, then I will flood your heights with tourism money because I have 101 ideas to make money out of tourism. The first one will be to renovate all Historical Monuments starting with Pasargad, Persepolis, Estakhr and etc. and build the exact replicas of how they used to look, right next to them with full staffs of hosts dressed in Persian historical uniforms serving the tourists. I will build hotels, casinos, resorts, restaurants, amusement parks and museums as duplicates of Persian palaces of Achaemenids, Sassanids, Abbasids, Afsharids and Qajar for tourist attractions. I will make Iran bloom with tourist money like it has never been done before. And I will put a brutal, hard-core and innovative economist/businessman such as "Camran Mirza" in charge of Ministry of Tourism to make sure the ministry will produce 10 times of the original money which we had invested in it.

Then I will get the Ministry of Culture going with future outstanding plays, operas, sound and vision shows, laser shows and big budget movies made about Persian history in our own Parsiwood (our version of Hollywood) near Shiraz. I will get the costume designers, decorators, historians, directors, actors, administrators, props, graphic artists, engineers and writers in Ministry of Culture to work on these projects and I will put "Admzad" in charge of the Ministry of Culture to make sure all projects will be successful, the world will once again know our culture and history. I shall make sure that the Ministry of Culture will produce mega profits.

This is how I will shove the Persian Culture, up the worlds Ass! This is how I will revive the Persian Empire via creating the "Persian Union".

Now tell me, why the hell do I need a puppet monarch in a ceremonial monkey suit, like Charles or Elizabeth to show them off to tourists as Dancing Dogs or Persian Donkeys to make a tenth of what I can produce with my projects?!

Monarchists say:
"Here are some great benefits of the modern constitutional monarchy:

Benefits of our modern constitutional monarchy

and we can change/add a few things and make them better."

I say:
I am providing you guys with logic and you are bringing me quotes from Quran! Well in your case, Holy Monarchial book O La Dee Dee Da!

Monarchists say:
"And for the possibility of the abolition of the monarchy (if later on people change their minds), it can be abolished by a majority vote."

I say:
Well, we all know that once a Monarchy is established, then that will never happen! Same as Mullahs, once you give a Mullah 5 Cents, you can never take it back! Once you give a puppet monarch, a monkey suit, a crown and assign them a fixed yearly salary, then you can never get them out of their palace! Look at the "Euro_Pee_On" StoryBook Monarchies and their "Three Little Piggies" Kingdoms!

Monarchists say:
"Dr. M. M. Eskandari-Qajar also wrote a thesis on necessity of the monarchy:

In Defense of Monarchy In An Age Of Democracy

His document is very enlightening."

I say:
Eskandari and present Earls of Qajar Dynasty are as worthless as Reza Pahlavi and the present Earls of the Pahlavi Dynasty!

On Qajar Bashing by Today's Monarchists (Pahlavi Fans)
Answering Pahlavi Fans

But let's not generalize what their ancestors had done to Iran! Aqa Mohamad Khan Qajar was their ancestor! Aqa Khan was the starter of Qajar Dynasty. As I recall, by the end of his reign, our country was still named "The Persian Empire" (Emperaturiye Pars). Aqa Khan kicked Russian, Ottoman and other enemies of Iran's Asses. By the end of Aqa Khan's reign, we still owned: Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Georgia, Armenia, Azerbaijan, half of Afghanistan, half of Pakistan, parts of Kazakhstan, parts of Russia and Bahrain. Aqa Mohamad Shah Qajar was a great Emperor and saved the integrity of Iran with the skin of his teeth. He was the last Shahanshah (Emperor of Iran).

First and Last Persian Emperors

In his historical time frame, he was as great of a man as Reza Khan was in his historical time frame. Violent or not, he kept the Persian Empire intact. Actually his job was much harder than Reza Khan's job, because Aqa Khan ran an "Empire", kept it intact and still pushed Iran forward; but Reza Khan only had revived a "kingdom", ran it and pushed it forward. I don't know why some people assume the value of the work which Aqa Mohamad Khan Qajar had done was less than Reza Khan Pahlavi?!

Maybe he was not one of the great Shahanshahs:

Cyrus The Great
Darius The Great
Xerxes The Great
Mithradates The Great
Shapour The Great
Yaqub Leis The Great
Shah Abbas The Great
Nader Shah The Great
Reza Shah The Great

However, he was a great patriot, strong nationalist and a solid Emperor.

Today's Monarchists are Pahlavi fans and they tend to devalue the Qajar Dynasty as a whole! They only see the useless kings of Qajar and their wrongdoings. This behavior is due to 50 years of Anti Qajar propaganda by the Pahlavis.

The Pahlavi fans are blind to the facts that:

Aqa Mohamad Shah Qajar was a great and the last Persian Emperor.
Abbas Mirza Qajar was a great military general.
Iraj Mirza Qajar was a great poet.
Qajar paintings are one of Iran's classical and valuable art treasures.
Qajar's contributions to the Iranian culture, art and literature are enormous.
Etc.

How come the monarchists call Alahazrat "an Emperor" which he was not, because Iran was not an Empire on 1979, but they call Aqa Khan a Qajar king? Aqa Khan was an Emperor (Shahanshah), not a king (Shah)! Then they critic and trash "All" Qajar Kings, stating that "what Qajar's descendants had done in Iran"? They see all the wrong but they never see all the great contributions of Qajar to Iran.

At least Iran was a democratic constitutional monarchy during Ahmad Shah Qajar's reign, but Iran was always an absolutist dictatorship during the Pahlavis.

For god's sake, why don't you critic Mohamad Reza Pahlavi as the Shah who cowardly escaped Iran and handed Iran to the Mullahs?

It is not fair to trash a whole dynasty because of a worthless number such as Fath Ali Shah!
Is it fair for me to trash Pahlavis because of a useless bum like Reza Pahlavi?

Should I disregard legends like Reza Khan or even all the good that Alahazrat had done and only talk about the Thievery and Corruption of Alahazrat's brothers and Sisters, drug dealings of Ashraf (Princess Ashraf Pahlavi had been arrested in Italy for heroin trafficking.), addiction of Farahnaz, Worthlessness of Farah's children, and uselessness of Reza Pahlavi?

Is it right to trash Pahlavis disregarding the works of the great ones?

Well, I am a Qajar and I am damn proud of my family and dynasty. When I think of Qajar, I think of all the good that they have done, all the Qajar Family's worthy politicians and diplomats whom served during Pahlavis, all the cultural contributions which they have done to Iran and not only about all the worthless Shahs!

It is time for the Monarchists (Pahlavi fans) to shut their mouths about the wrongdoings of Qajar and start criticizing the disastrous record of Pahlavis on thievery, corruption, human rights, political suffocation, lack of freedoms and cowardice!

There you go ............

Monarchists Say:
"King Juan Carlos of Spain is a charismatic landsfigure and European monarchs are democratic."

I say:
There you go again! I am telling you the Industrial Revolution has passed Monarchy by, the same as it has passed Islam by ................ You are clinging to some system of ancient times from the dark ages! Then you bring me examples amongst the democratic kings! You want to tell me that there were also some decent men amongst the kings! Are you assuming that I do not know? Are you forgetting that I am a historian?

Here is the logic,

Fact:

Worthy Individuals and Dysfunctional Monarchies

Existence of a few great individual monarchs does not Justifies the functionality of the monarchy as a valid system of government, yet it will prove that those individuals were and are worthy.

A selected legacy of a decent few, is not evidence nor justifies a system of government to be just and functional nor progressive.

Your line of reasoning is flawed! This is not proof of righteousness! This is not evidence of progressiveness!

You and your discussions, reminds me of my discussions with Imam Jum'a of Santee Mosque! I bring him logic and facts on why Islam is outdated, a mid evil ideology and why Caliphate aka Velayat-e Faqih or Spiritual Guardianship of Mohammed, Abu Bakr, Omar, Khomeini and Khamenei cannot and will not work in the 21st century! Imam in returns, reads me some Quran and brings me examples of some great humanitarian Caliphs and Velayat-e Faqih such as Ali, Hussein and Salah al din al Ayubid! I reason with him with logic and he reads me some Quran!

Now I bring you facts, documents, logic, economy, politics, sociology and reasoning on how to create a system of government from scratch and start a new regime from the base and foundation. I show you facts on why Monarchy is yesterday's news, which Industrial Revolution had passed it by! I tell you Monarchy had died 28 years ago, but then you tell me, oh by the way Juan Carlos is a democratic king and you quote me from Holy Quran of Monarchist sites!

I tell you I am proud of our 8000 years history of Monarchy from our first Shah of Susa Dynasty 8000 years ago to our last Shah of the Pahlavi Dynasty on 1979. I love and cherish all the goods that they have done and I critic all the disasters that they created. I celebrate all the great Shahanshahs of Iran and our glorious past Empire. I tell you Monarchy is finished and done with. We need to look ahead and look towards the tomorrow. What's done is done and it will never come back.

How to Make Iran, Great Again?

To make Iran, once again a great powerful nation, the same as our past glorious Persian Empire, will never be achieved by duplicating and adopting a system of puppet monarchy from Europe onto Iran! Yet it will be achieved via creation of a new system, back to ancient Persian Federalism, yet via creation of a new economic and social system, by creation of the "Persian Union". A Union which will start from Iran and it will re-cover, all our past states and present independent nations which once has been stolen from us!

We must create a new system and we must run the nation like a corporation. Puppet monarchs, hand kissers, ass kissers, tofeylis, Lap dogs and CIA Beggars will not make this new system! Technocrats, specialists and professionals will make this new system.

This is how it will be done:

A Vision for Iran of tomorrow - Nationalism

A nation which will run as a corporation by economists, technocrats and solid Nationalists. In this nation every part of the system will be run by a "Useful Unit" elected or appointed to that position. There will be no room for "Useless Units" such as ceremonial puppet monarchs, Royal High-nesses, spiritual guardian Imams, Religious theocrats, Homeless Media Lords and their Tabloids, Hand/Ass Kissers or any other cheeseball characters! Professionals in each field will run this system.

This is how Persian Empire will be revived, and I promise you, no puppet monarch with rental ceremonial monkey suit, sitting behind the window and displayed for tourists, would have a role in it.

Step by step, Islamic Republic of Iran will disappear and a new True Republic will provide and prepare the primary steps for the creation of "The Persian Union".

My friends, it is time for Iran to be run by Experts and Technocrats rather than Fortune Tellers, Holy men and Puppet Monarchs aka Ramals and Hamals (Fortune Tellers and Porters)!

Iran of tomorrow will require the latest, most progressive, most scientific, most up-to-dated and most logical system of government, so that the new government can drag Iran out of the 28 plus years, full of Shiite and push her forwards in to the Information Age. Only this system can create the "Persian Union" and revive the "Persian Empire". Nothing but the best for Iran.

As I have stated, I deal with science, facts, logic and evidence. I do not deal with emotion, sensation, formality, Persian Flatteries, Super Natural and Rhetorics.

Prove me wrong, bring evidence, rebuttal my hypothesis, and in other words, talk "Logic" to me. I am a scientific person; the only thing I understand is "Logic". Pardon me, but cheesy lines of rhetorics which you revise from Monarchist sites are not "Reasoning" nor they are "Logical". They make a good storybook for teenage monarchists born in exile to make them feel good by believing in something! But they do not provide evidence nor they are considered as reasoning, in a logical argument.

Reality is that today, Monarchy is out of place!

I am speaking from the mouth and from the psyche of Reza Pahlavi and in his mind and from his mouth comes out these statements:

"Crown and Throne of Iran has been laid on my back as a responsibility (he says it like it is both a burden and a chore)."

However, for over 28 years, he has done nothing to fulfill these responsibilities. That is why I see a Joker (Reza Pahlavi) as a Monarchist who contradicts himself and I also see Jokers (Monarchists) who follow this guy and the whole useless concept of the Constitutional Monarchy! A Constitutional Monarch is like an extra Cyst on your hand or butt which serves no purpose and it needs to be surgically removed! Some folks like Americans had the guts to remove this Cyst but some folks like Canadians and British kept this Cyst as decoration for the colorbooks and storybooks of their children! Constitutional Monarch is like a Scottish Highlander Dog! They give glam and cuteness to the house but they also mess up the whole house!

Every Family Must Own a Dog and a constitutional Monarch!

I believe in the future, every family must have their own Constitutional Monarch in the house, the same as old time Negro Butlers in monkey suits and Uncle Toms in Old South! Yes, every family must own their own constitutional monarch, same as they own a house pet!

I do not despise Monarchists. I just look at them as Intellectually Challenged Beings. Was that too politically correct? OK, I look at Monarchists as Mentally Inferior Creatures who got stuck in the 1800s! There is nothing wrong with that! Monarchists are human too! They have a right to dream like everyone else! Monarchists have the right to make an ass of themselves same as Marxists, Mojaheds, Muslim, Nazis and others do! There is nothing wrong with Monarchists, it is just that the Industrial Revolution had passed them by, centuries ago!

Actually I enjoy Monarchists and Ultra Nationalists. They are much fun to study as case subjects. They are sort of like Endangered Species such as Dinosaurs (Loch-ness monster)! Wouldn't you like to social and psycho analyze these creatures once finding one alive?

Shahollahi is a step short of Hezbollahi.
Sag-e Zard Baradar-e Shoqal-e

Let go of yesterday and start looking towards the tomorrow. And that's Why Monarchy has Ended and We Must Start a New.

People of Iran, in the future, never again you shall bow to a master.
People of Iran, stand in front of the mirror and proudly say:

No Gods
No Shahs
No Imams
No Masters
I serve no masters.
I bow to no masters.
I control my own destiny.
I am a Free Man.
I am a Free Woman.

Amen!

Dr. X

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