September 25, 2005
From:
Dr. X's Book of Hajviyat
(Divan-e Hajviyat-e Ahreeman)
Warning: Rated X
This piece is X rated (ages 13 & up). Young readers, pre teens (10-12) please read with parental advise, & children (0-9) please cover your eyes & stop reading IPC now! What the hell are you doing here reading IPC anyway?! You should be playing "Pasdars & Students" (Pasdars smashing the protesting students' heads with Chomaq or Club) @ this age! Damn kids these days!
Note
If you are not a person who speaks Persian & is also a bit familiar with the guttery (barf-like) beautiful language of Arabic, then you will not understand this piece! What to do, you ask? You damn Foreigners, must go & learn Persian! That's what you do! The nerves of some people!
Warning Two
But if you in fact understand this piece, then please prepare extra clean shorts & panties (before reading), thus you may Roll On The Floor Laughing while pissing your under garments!
Now folks,
Let's travel through this magnificent language & take a trip through The Linguistic world! Shall we?!
From,
Ahreeman's
Modern X Rated Arabo_Islamic Sensual Encyclopedia
Neo Arabo_Islamic Grammar_Verb Conjugations
(Riot, Killer)
Volume One:
Book of Jalq!
Jalq = Halaal (religiously recommended) Islamic Masturbation
Ex1: Do not Jalq too much, thus you may go blind!
Ex2: Too much jalq can make you bald, blind & nerve damaged in one hand!
Jalq-gir = The situation when someone interrupts your jalq, right before climax & you simply can't explode with desire (a very frustrating situation), getting cut in the act!
Jalqi (1) = One who Jalqs a lot!
Ex: That damn little Jalqi boy!
Jalqi (2) = A pilgrim to Qom or Qazvin who jalqed there, same as Haji, Karbalai (Ka'bi), Mashhadi (Mashti)
Ex1: Jalqi, happy Jaq (pilgrimage to Qom or Qazvin)
Ex2: Jalqi, Jaq qabul (same as "Ziyarat qabul").
Jaq = to the rhyme of haj, Pilgrimage to Qom or Qazvin, short for Jalq (masturbation)
Ex: This year you must go to Imamzadeh of Qazvin for Jaq!
Jaaleq = The Active "Doer" person who does The Jalqing (Fa'el)
Ex: Abdollah is a great Jaaleq!
Maljuq (1) = The passive "Doee" person whom The Jalq is being done on or over him/her (Maf'ul), Maljuq is by the rhyme of Ma'shuq!
Ex1: Robabeh is Abdollah's maljuq but facials are out of the question!
Ex2: Sakineh, would you become my Maljuq?
Maljuq (2) = climaxed & orgasmed, the after jalq feeling!
Ex: Razlollah had become maljuq.
Joloq = Same as Jonob, post climatic period.
Ex: I have become joloq (Joloq shodam)!
Jo'allaq = A superficial, useless & lampoon person as a side effect of too much jalq!
Ex: Sourat is such a jo'allaq!
Jolaaq = Plural for jaaleq (singular)
Ex: Every year Jolaaq go for pilgrimage to Qom & Qazvin!
Jaaleqin = A Gang of Jaaleq
Ex: Jaaleqin are holding a Gang Jalq in Hoseyniyeh Ershad!
Jaqaab = Juices of Jalq!
Ex: Oh no, Oooh don't stop Hassan-Ali, my Jaqaab is about to flow!
Jalqak = same as dalqak, a masturbating clown!
Ex: You are such a Jalqak!
Jalqiyyaat (1) = The subject which Jalq has been based on it/her, (Suzheye Jalq)
Ex: Abdollah is using "Islamic Woman Today" magazine as jalqiyyaat!
Jalqiyyaat (2) = Studies & courses in jalq.
Ex: My favorite subject in university was Jalqiyyaat!
Jalaaq = A professional masturbator or Jaaleq (such as Jalaad = a professional killer)
Ex: Abdollah is a Master-bator & a grand jalaaq!
Eltejaaq = A therapeutic Jalq which can be done solo or duo!
Ex: Let's do an Eltejaq, its good for the soul!
Jalaq = Deep Arabic version of Jalq
Ex: Boy, don't jalaq in Haj (pilgrimage)!
Jalaq al Jama'a = Group Jalq, same as Salath al Jama'a (group Islamic prayer).
Ex: Muslemin have gathered in the mosque for a Salath al Jama'a as an antre & a Jalaq al Jama'a as the dessert.
Molajaq = Enlightened by jalq, someone who has seen the light through jalq!
Ex: Dozd-Ali had become molajaq!
Jalqon Talqon = Same as Ma'lum O Majhul (a religious study subject) in school of Islamic Theology, a course in Jalq and jalqiyyaat!
Ex: Have you studied your jalqon talqon for tomorrow's hand on exam?
Jalqiyoun = A group or a cult with devout belief in fundamental of Jalq!
Ex: Jalqiyoun are having a meeting @ the back-room of the mosque!
Eljaaq = The true fundamental of Jalq, The Final Spiritual State of Jalq!
Ex: I have to reach the level of Eljaaq, such as Osama Bin Laden in caves of Bora Bora!
Moltajeq = Same as Mojtahed, a master cleric in Jalq studies!
Ex: Ayatollah Yazdi have gotten his turban & now he is a Moltajeq!
Jaliq = A Master of Jalq, same as Ayatollah in Shiite!
Ex: Hojatol Eslam Khatami is a Jaliq.
Jaliq ol Jolaqaa = A Grand Master in Jalq, same as Ayatollah al Udama in Shiite!
Ex: Ayatollah Shahrudi is Jaliq ol Jolaqaa of Karbalah!
Jolqiyyaat = Same as Joz'iyyaat, specifics of Jalq.
Ex: Give me all the details & jolqiyyaat of last night?
Jolqak = An amateur Jalqi, a beginner Jalqi
Ex: Oy Beche, ohoy Jolqak, you still don't have any hair on your face but you insist on Jalqing?!
Jalqolab = Same as An-Qolab (Shiite Enqelab), a Revolution in jalq!
Ex: We must commit to a True Jalqolab!
Jilaq = Same as Jihad, A Jihad (Holy War) yet declared via Jalq & by Shambool!
Ex: Fatwa, Fatwa ......., beware brothers, Imam has ordered a Jilaq!
Motejaleq = Same as Moteqaleb, one who pretends to jalq but in reality he/she fakes it!
Ex: Malihe, you are such a motejaleq, all of those screams ............, did you maljuq or have you faked it?!
Jaqul = Baby Jalqer, a new bee in the art of jalq, a new cumer!
Ex: Kur-Oqli is a jaqul.
Jalqollah = Same as Abdollah, an Islamic male name for one who is very close to Allah (a true believer), Jalq of Allah!
Ex: Jalqollah, c'mon boy, bring a dry towel (Khoshk biyar)!
Jaaleqeh = Same as Faeqeh, an Islamic female name for one who is very close to Allah (a true believer), a female maturbator!
Ex: Jaaleqeh, I am very maljuq from meeting your acquaintance!
Riot has ended!
Ya Allah
OK Boys and Ghouls,
Time for good old doctor to go bye byes ..........
Until our next lesson,
Please do not do what I do!
Try to behave!
Sign,
Your Family Doctor
Ahreeman Mirza-ye Qajar
