Kooni-ness Leads to Blindness
Ahreeman, you have an interesting theory regarding Dool Jende’s avatar. If I may, let me throw my own top ten theories out there on why DJ is now a cyclops, and see which you think is the most plausible.
Theory 10: Ahura Did It 
Ahura came to DJ in a dream, or rather, came on DJ in a dream. Some of Ahura’s man juice hit DJ in the eye. Being a God, his juice is like acid. It burned a hole in DJ’s eye, permanently disfiguring him. It was Ahura’s way of saying: “Get the hell out, you kooni, and if you even think about returning to Zoroastrianism, let that scarred eye be a reminder to you.”
Theory 9: Dool – Eye – lity (duality of dool and eye) 
It is a well known fact that there exists a special relationship between the eye and the dool. Excessive masturbation or man-handling a dool can lead to blindness. DJ, in an attempt to cut off his own dool, caused the unintended effect of also destroying one of his own eyes. In fact, the only thing that prevented him from completely severing the cursed appendage was the fact that he noticed the loss of one eye halfway through the amputation. Disappointed at the side effect of dool amputation, he decided to stop the procedure, as he did not want to be completely blind. So now, he has half a dool, barely hanging on from its scarred base, and only one eye.
Let that be a lesson to all the kids that mess with their dools too much.
Theory 8: Veterinary Malpractice 
I’m partially to blame for this one. I took my pet in to the vet, for him to be neutered as requested by IPC, to perhaps decrease his kooni tendencies. Unfortunately, I did not stay with him during the procedure. DJ’s face is so butt-ugly, that the vet mistook his ass for his face, and his face for his ass. He began the procedure, and removed an eyeball thinking it was a testicle. Fortunately, I returned in time to stop him from removing the other eye. Needless to say, the vet was very embarrassed by the mistake.
The good news is that he offered to make it up to us by offering my pet free rabies shots for life. But wouldn’t you know it, I took in DJ for his free rabies shot last week, and the damned vet injected poor DJ in the face, thinking his cheek was a butt check. From now on, I plan to paint a sign on my pet’s face and ass, labeling each part clearly. I can’t say I blame the vet for his honest mistake.
Theory 7: The IPC Gimp 
DJ followed Ahreeman’s link to Peter the Gimp’s site containing those Gimp photos. Poor DJ went blind in one eye when he saw that freak show. I must confess, I suffered temporary blindness as well when I saw those photos. When I realized what was going out, I yanked on my pet’s leash and got the hell out of there. But being the perv that he is, DJ stared a little too long at those pictures. Slowly, my vision has returned. But I’m afraid DJ’s condition is permanent, for staring too long into the abyss.
Let that be a lesson to all you kids out there (including myself) that haphazardly follow Ahreeman’s links. You probably won’t like what you see, and there is a good chance you’ll go blind.
Theory 6: Too Much Head Banging 
DJ got gang raped at the Mosque. His head kept hitting the ja-namazi (the official headboard at Mosques) and the stone it contains. Severe head trauma caused him to lose control of his eye muscles, resulting in double vision. As a remedy, the vet recommended covering one eye with a patch, so that only one eye can see and double vision won’t be a problem. The vet then proceeded to place an eye patch over DJ’s testicle. Damn that vet, he’ll never get it right. I fixed DJ’s eye patch when we got home.
Theory 5: Samad Don’t Play That 
DJ saw Samad Agha, and he offered Samad some koon. Since Samad only likes Leyla, and does not swing the way of the koonis, he freaked out and attacked DJ. The classic Samad eye attack found its target, and now DJ is minus one eye.
DJ had better be careful to whom he offers that koon of his. There are a lot of homophobics out there, and he may end up losing the other eye too. DJ, definitely stay away from the Three Stooges.
Theory 4: Damned Ingilisa and the Brotherhood 
DJ, agent 00k (double-o-koon) was sent in by the Brotherhood of Islam to spy on the British. His assignment: gather as much intelligence from them as possible by giving koon to the British agents. Too bad his cover was blown and 00k was captured. In the Tower of London, 00k was subjected to unimaginable torture. Fortunately for him, he enjoyed it, and welcomed the violation of his koon by every British guard. Eventually, the Brotherhood helped brake out DJ from the Tower of London, but in the ensuing suicide explosion DJ lost an eye.
Theory 3: Islamic Justice 
DJ being the perv that he is, got caught peeking through a window at a young muslim boy. He was apprehended by the authorities for being a peeping Tom (or peeping Ali, as is called in Taazi countries). The Islamic court ruled that the appropriate punishment will be the removal of an eyeball.
DJ had better be careful not to get caught in the act of koon-dadan, or he will face a koon amputation (get it…face a koon amputation…his koon is the same as his face?)
Theory 2: Voodoo Sacrifice 
TBK was executed by the Lion-Heart because he was a kooni. But TBK became even more oghdei for being denied life at IPC. He wanted to return to IPC and continue being the official kooni of the site. His dead soul sought the help of a voodoo priest in order to be revived again as a zombie. The voodoo priest agreed, but at a price. The zombie would have to sacrifice an eye to the voodoo priest after his rise. Why did the voodoo priest request an eye? How the hell should I know? He probably needed it as an ingredient for one of his weird rituals or something.
So TBK rose as DJ the zombie, and bound by his contract with the voodoo priest, gave up an eye. Now he roams IPC as a half blind BKDJ.
And the number one theory for why DJ is now a cyclops is…
Theory 1: CMV Retinitis 
Okay, I saved the best for last. It’s the best because it is completely based on the truth, and provides the scientific explanation for the chain of events that led to DJ’s blindness. The truth is often more entertaining than fiction. The following is scientific fact. I couldn’t make this shit up!
DJ’s long standing life of sinful koon-dadan resulted in his acquiring HIV / AIDS. Subsequent to his AIDS, DJ’s immune system became very weak, thereby allowing the development of an opportunistic infection of CMV (cytomegalovirus), which in turn led to retinitis and blindness in one eye.
AIDS was Allah’s punishment for DJ’s immoral life of kooni-ness.
If you recall, the early stages of the disease were present in our old BK before he was killed. Remember his old emam kooni avatar? The emam looked like he kept winking or something. Well, back then we thought he was just winking because he was gay. But it turns out that the emam was in the early stages of losing his eyesight, and he actually kept squinting. Emam wasn’t just coming on to us; he was starting to go blind.
Let that be a lesson to all you koonis out there. Abandon your devious ways, or be cursed by Allah and suffer a miserable and undignified life filled with AIDS, blindness, and countless other punishments.
-----------------
So there you have it: the ten most likely theories behind DJ becoming a cyclops. You may have noticed that although the explanations were different, the root cause and theme was the same. That is:
Kooni-ness leads to blindness! 
Yes, one way or another, kooni-ness will lead to blindness. For all you kids out there, if you learned nothing else, please remember this above all if you wish to safeguard your vision.
And now, I will end on a note from the Christian Anti-Kooni Coalition of America (CAKCA)
addressed to BKDJ:
Your evil kooni ways, cost you one precious eye
The pain of your own blindness, will always make you cry
And cry you will each day, until the day you die
So cry you evil kooni; moan, whimper, and sigh
A kooni’s shameful life, is a life based on a lie
But you cannot tell a lie, to the man up in the sky
For the sinful life you led, in the next you’ll surely fry
A fate by far much worse, than blindness in one eye
I am Dariush the Great King, King of Kings, King of countries containing all kinds of men, King in this great earth far and wide, son of Hystaspes, an Achaemenian, a Persian, son of a Persian, an Aryan, having Aryan lineage
Naqshe Rostam
by Edelge » Mon Dec 18, 2006 12:57 am 
](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Hit Brick Wall")
but if you do that you might come out even more messed up than you did a few months ago!
