Nurollah X: People and I - Hilarious Religious Q & A!

Post your jokes, humor articles, Satire, funny short stories, comedy plays, satirical poems, parody, comedy video & audio clips & other humor pieces here.

Moderator: Club Operations

Nurollah X: People and I - Hilarious Religious Q & A!

Postby Ahreeman X » Sat Jan 08, 2005 3:53 pm

People and I (A Hilarious Religious Q & A)!
Namaz Jum'a with Nurollah X
Famous Ahreemanic One Liners!
January 8, 2005 = 2564 Shahanshahi PIY (Persian Imperial Year)

A perfect clerically correct, Religious Q & A by the Umma' from Hojatol Eslam eDin, Brother X, The Nurollah (Light of Allah)!

Hojatol Eslam Nurollah X

People often ask me many questions about ......

Q & A

People: Why are you so critical of Islam & Muslim?
X: That is far from the truth! In fact, I operate as a Prophet of Allah! I only try to get the Good Umma' closer to Allah, and as soon as possible! I suggest that we send them to the other side to meet their maker Rapidly!

People: Why are you so ignorant to distinguish between the Good Muslim & Bad Muslim?
X: Who am I to judge the people? Thats Allah's job! I am only a messenger, I shoot them all & let Allah sort them out!

People: Why do you always say: "Shoot first, don't even ask any questions later"?
X: It is not true! I used to say that in the past! But now I say: "Shoot first, and keep on shooting until you run out of bullets or Islamists, whatever comes first"!

People: Are you too blind to see that there are Fundamentalist Muslim & then Moderate Muslim?
X: There might be some Moderate Muslim but Islam in its nature is Fundamentalist & Reactionary!

People: Why do you insult Shiite Islam, the religion of the majority of Iranians?
X: That is a filthy lie made in Mecca! I have never insulted Belly & Under Belly (Food & Sex), the fabulous religion of the majority of Iranians!

People: Why do you insult the ever expanding beautiful Religion of Islam?
X: Islam is not a religion! It is a dangerous political ideology!

People: Have you seen the light of Imam Hussein?
X: Well, to tell you the truth, once, Imam Hussein & 72 of his followers on Camel Top, tried to cross the desert from Karbalah to San Diego to save my soul; however, due to American Occupation, I believe the US Marines did not allow them to cross the Iraqi border, due to lack of proper papers & visas!

People: Why don't you live & let live?
X: Hey, I been living happily in Tehran, but Islam fingered me & exiled me to San Diego! Now I have no choice but to return the favor & Finger back the Good Muslim!

People: Have you no respect for the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH)?
X: Sure I do! I admire anyone who can steadily perform miracles in bed with 21 wives & a number of unlimited concubines for over 60 years!

People: Do you believe in Ali ibn al abi Talib?
X: Do you believe in Kabob ibn al Kubideh?!

People: What was Prophet's secret?
X: It must have been all the dates, banana, hot green peppers, garlic, onions, & camel milk that he was feeding on. They went right through his belly, into his Halaal Schlong! Prophet (PBUHB) [Peace Be Upon His Bone], been bangin all day long from sunlight to sundown, even during moonlight!

People: As a historian, what was Prophet's (PBUH) favorite consumptions?
X: Prophet (PBUHB) enjoyed consuming young camel's milk, young grilled bird (if any found in Sahara Deserts), young fire charbroiled deer (if any could be dragged from Persia), young sand lizard snacks and young 6 years old Arab child brides' Taboulis (e.g.: Ayesha)!

People: How do you feel about Imam Khamenei?
X: I feel pretty good about Imam! Today, in not too many nations, a known pretty boy Talabe (Imam Khomeini's Boy Toy) can rise to the level of the Nation's Spiritual and Political Leader! This story proves that Islamic Bangarooni (Bang O Salavat) pays! In this manner, we are way too progressed, open minded & ahead of the world! Only in Iran babies, Only in Iran!

People: Have you no shame?
X: Well. once I had some, but I have left it in Tehran, once they kicked me out of Iran!

People: Do you have any respect whatsoever for the creator (Allah)?
X: Hell ye! Anyone who creates a bunch of rag tag replicas in his own image (mankind), & then realizes that he made such grave mistakes & global screw ups, that he needs to constantly send natural disasters (Earthquake, Flood, Hurricane, Brush Fire and recently Tsunami) to get rid of his screw ups, does deffinitly deserve my respect!

People: Do you believe Allah is forgiving & Merciful?
X: Hell ye! Just take a good look @ the recent Tsunami in Indian Ocean Islands, 165,000 capoot and adding!

People: Do you believe Allah is fair?
X: But of course he is! 4 wives for every Muslim male but 21 wives specially for the Prophet (Peace Be Upon His Bone)!

People: Whats wrong with Siqeh (Temporary Marriage in Shiite Islam)?
X: Not a thing! Actually I believe we should give credit to Shiite Islam, as the first religion which officially & moraly "legalized Prostitution"!

People: Now be fair, would you rather the youth to go corrupt or would you rather the youth to marry females for a limited amount of time & for a limited amount of money, religiously correct as known as Siqeh?
X: Dang! You mean all this time they been practicing Islam in Mustang Ranch (Las Vegas), Hollywood Boulevard (Los Angeles), Street Corners (Amsterdam) and Shahr-e Nou (Tehran)?!

People: Whats wrong with Islam?
X: Nothing @ all! In fact, I believe that Islam is the most realistic religion which has adopted its doctrine to human nature! A complete religion fixated on the concept of the "Belly & Under Belly"! Whats wrong with that?!

People: Do you have something against Islam?
X: Me? Never! I love a spiritual ideology which is based on exploiting women, reducing them to property, treat them as 2nd class citizens & banging 4 of them @ the time, perfectly legal, & not even believing theres anything wrong with that!

People: Whats wrong with killing infidels?
X: Absolutely nothing! Where else can we practice legal murder, socially recommended & religiously blessed? Only in Islam! What a religion!

People: Whats wrong with Jihad?
X: Heck I love it! Whats wrong with killing people, stealing their property, taking over their land, raping their women & children (of course after reading Siqeh) & still counting on receiving future benefits in afterlife from Allah?!

People: Do you have something against Martyrdom (Shahadat)?
X: Hell no! More dead Muslim (Martyrs) = Less Muslim Population = More Oxygen for rest of the Earth Population! Whats wrong with that?!

People: Whats wrong with Suicide Bombing?
X: Nothing @ all! I don't know why the civilized world believes its selfish to blow oneself up & take a bunch of inoccent people alongside yourself to Allah! It is kind o like a Holy Bus to Allah with the Suicide Bomber as the Bus Driver! Whats wrong with that?! These Westerners can be so ignorant from time to time! They simply do not understand our great Islamic Concepts!!

People: What are Jews good for?
X: Nothing @ all! Well, by the love of Allah, Prophet himself mass murdered a whole tribe of them (Bani Quraysh), killed their Tribal Leader & banged his daughter (Saffiyah) & turned her in to his concubine Faheshe! Prophet (PBUHB) did not even see anything wrong with his action! Why should we? We should follow Prophet's example & massacre all Zionist Infidels! And theres your prayer!

People: Do you have something against The Intellectual Left?
X: Of Course not! By the love of Mosadeq's bald head, those poor In_Tell_Egg_Chew_All Left! They have done nothing but service to Iran! They have brought the most illiterate social class of Iran (The Mullahs) out from the dungeons of Mosque to rule the nation & rule over the "Sea of Cattle" (more illiterate public)! It is kind o like, erecting a shepherd (Mullahs) to guide & rule over the Cattle (Gav O Guspandan), & whats wrong with that? Who could have ruined the nation in such manner & done it better than the Intellectual Left? Allah bless Jebhe Meli & Hezbe Tudeh!

People: Why the old IPC had over 1100 members & the new IPC only has 30?
X: Thats a good question, do you also have the answer?!

People: Why does IPC presently has only 30 members?
X: Because our beloved Iranians prefer to read IPC in silence (a great number of readers), than to join IPC as members & actually Do something!

People: Who got Balls?
X: IPC members!

People: What's with you & Balls? Whats the obcession on Balls?
X: Well, it is actually a complex that I have! I have seen so few Iranians with Balls, that I often admire people of Gigantic Size, Well Polished Balls such as Reza Shah The Great! I am always in search of people with Balls, thus all I see around, are Ball-Less Eye-Rainians or Eye-Rainians with either Cotton-Balls or Seedy-Balls (Hasteh Khorma)!!!!

People: Do you consider yourself a Man O Balls or the owner of Great Size Balls?
X: Well, We shall ask this question from Haji Kuchike (Junior Pilgrim), because he is residing near them Balls (Imam Hassan & Hussein)!!!!

People: Do you ever get tired of writing Hajviyat (Silly Poems) & Arajif (Bull Shiite) or Mohmalat (Silly Humor) on the net?
X: Do Iranians ever get tired of smoking Opium & drinking Vodka?!

People: Why Aren't Iranians uprise, make a Revolution and Change the Regime?
X: Well, the ones outside are too busy in Cabarets, with one hand holding the bottle of Vodka & with other hand, fingering the voluptuous Belly Dancer! The ones inside are too busy in House Partys, with one hand holding the Vafur (Opium Pipe) & with other hand, fingering the beefy thighs of the neighbor's wife! So as you see, Iranians have "No Hands" left to make a fist, rise to the sky in anger, march and make a Revolution (Killer)!!!

People: Will you ever join the distinguished, Well Moraled, Respectable Eye-Rainian Community & respect their values?
X: Will there be another future Ice Age on Earth?!

People: Do you see hope for The Islamic Democracy?
X: Does Hell Freeze Over?!

People: Do you see a separation of Mosque & Government in an officially Islamic Nation?
X: Does Frog sings Abu Atta lyrics?!

People: Will Mullahs leave the power peacefully & go back to the Mosques?
X: Does Rooster joins a Ballroom Dance Club & wears a Tuxido rather than sing Qooqool Qooqoo on 5 AM @ Sunlight?!

People: Can Pacifist policies of pacifist Iranian Opposition Leaders bring Freedom upon Iran?
X: Does Khajeh Hafez-e Shirazi lays an Egg?!

People: Why is it that you are so blood thirsty, violent & aggressive?
X: What can I say?! It must be my great great grand father, Aqa Mohamad Khan-e Qajar's fault! Aqa Khan used to build Hills of Beheaded Heads & Rivers of Blood out of enemy! Aqa Khan was a Great Pacifist!!!

People: Why do you call Aqa Mohamad Khan-e Qajar, your ancestor, while it is a known fact that he was a unique & could have no children?
X: Well, lets see, hmmmmmmmmm?! Ponder..........ponder..........., Aha, got it! As a Qajar, I can see the whole Qajar Dynasty had either No Balls or Seedy Balls (Hasteh Khorma); however, Aqa Khan was the only Qajar who kept the integrity of the Persian Empire intact! General Abbas Mirza (Fath Ali Khan's son) & I, have visibly large size balls (let me double check), Ooh yee, let me get a hold of them ............. ye still very large! So by Golly Jee & for Camel of Prophet's sake, we must both be decendants of Aqa Khan!

People: Aqa Mohamad Khan-e Qajar had no Balls! Zand Dynasty had cut them off & made him a unique! How can a Ball-Less person (physically), have such Large Size Balls (actually)???
X: Ain't that the Irony?!

People: Can any substantial "Change" occur in Iran without United States' blessing?
X: Can Iranian Exiled Folks grow some Back Bone?!

People: Can we ever bring Freedom, Secularism, Federalism, Human Rights & Democracy to Iran without the use of Force?
X: Will Iranians inside Iran, ever let go of Manqal (Opium Grill) & Vafur (Opium Pipe)?!

People: Can you show us a True Nationalist amongst the ranks of Jebhe Meli?
X: Can you show me an Anal Virgin in Qom?

People: When will Iranians stop opportunism, corruption, self centerism & grasp common cooperation for sake of Mother Persia?
X: When will the folks in Qazvin turn Heterosexual!

People: Are there good Islamic Clerics & bad Islamic Clerics?
X: Are there Bad Venereal Diseases & then Good Syphilis & Ghonorea symptoms?!

People: Will KIR (Khomeini's Islamic Republic) fall by Non Violence & Cyber Petitions & Cyber Referendums?
X: Will Jurassic Up_Position Leaders in LA & DC achieve erections without Viagra?!

People: Why do you often call them Eye-Rainians?
X: Because they are often having their "Eye" to the "Rain" to fertilize their barren land, rather than getting off of their Asses to create an irrigation system of water to self fertilize the land!

People: Why don't they fertilize the land themselves?
X: Because it takes efforts to get off of their Asses!

People: It has been 26 years of as you say AIOG (Arabo_Islamic Occupational Government). What are Iranians waiting for?
X: Every Eye-Rainian has One Eye looking to the person next to him to uprise or take lead and One Eye looking paranoid to the back of his neck, in case another Shiite Eye-Rainian screws him up the Shiiter (Riot)!

People: Will there ever be any Hope for Iran?
X: There will be hope until there are a few Iranians alive! We still have a few Iranians amongst the sea of Eye-Rainians!

People: Do you still consider yourself an Iranian?
X: Unfortunately yes!

People: Do you still Love Iran?
X: Who loves you babies? Ahreeman indeed! Who else?!

* * * * * *

Qs by Umma'
As by Hojatol Eslam eDin, Nurollah X

In memory of Ma'dum al Din, Ayatollah Hakim!!!
Prospects of the future Iraqi Election for Iran!

Fel Khatemah!

Al Fin
Watcher in the woods
User avatar
Ahreeman X
General 5 Star
General 5 Star
Posts: 1446
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 1:54 pm
Location: San Diego, CA, USA

Return to Jokes, Comedy, Parody, Satire & Satirical Poetry Room

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest